I like to think of balance as the art of maintaining a clear and centered inner core.
From that core, you can nurture different aspects of yourself and your life in ways that fill you and fill the people and activities you love. This requires energy, planning, and thinking of others instead of just yourself. That’s not so easy to do in a career that demands so much of us, so much sacrifice and focus.
Sometimes these demands are so high that we may have to neglect other personal aspects of our lives from time to time. This is part of the process. You need to be patient with yourself and with the process, and you need to find ways in which you can focus on those aspects you had to neglect for a time, once you are able to get back to them.
Communication with those you love is vital for them to understand what you are going through in your developing career: They won’t take things so personally, and with a greater understanding of the demands you are facing they will be able to supply you with even greater support.
Achieving a sense of balance, both inner and outer, is toughest at the beginning of a singing career. You are going from audition to audition, traveling a great deal and at a pace you have probably not known before. Different time zones can make it challenging to connect with those closest to us by phone. Thank goodness for the Internet! This pace can and will feel overwhelming at times.
One concept has helped me to understand that whatever situation I am in at the moment is finite: The situation will have a beginning and an end. The beginning of your career is a stage in your process. At some point, you will graduate to another level of your career and the beginning stage will be complete, and so on. This will help you to wrap your brain around all that you are facing. Sharing this notion with those closest to you will help them deal with how they may feel about being tugged and pulled in all directions during the differing stages of your developing career.
It would be one thing if this career were in one place with only the occasional short business trip. Those operatic contracts exist, but to my knowledge, only in Europe within a Fest contract with an opera house. For singers who have a guesting career and are primarily on the road, it’s a different story.
Balancing career and family is quite doable for those of us guesting throughout the world. Finding balance within both a career and a committed relationship requires a lot of work, energy, planning, patience, and not least of all, an understanding partner. Add children to the mix and you need to up the planning, patience, and understanding value a good 200 percent—but it’s worth it.
I think of the ‘80s movie Baby Boom, starring Diane Keaton. Keaton plays a successful Manhattan businesswoman who is very driven and glamorous. She inherits a baby from a relative and it turns her life upside down overnight. The people she works for frown upon her new responsibilities—they worry she will lose her edge as a shark in the business. She ends up quitting after they mover her to lower-profile accounts. In the end she prevails as a mother and a businesswoman, more creative and fulfilled and true to herself than before she had her child.
It seems to me that in recent years many more female opera singers are choosing to have children than ever before. I’ve been active in this career for 13 years and I have worked with many colleagues who are fathers. They travel the world and their wives care for their children at home. Basta.
Previously I had met very few mothers in the business. In the last two years alone, however, seven sopranos that I know of had their first child, joining the many women in a variety of professions who have chosen to embrace motherhood within a thriving career. Where singing moms used to get no support, support is available now and this lifestyle choice is much more accepted.
Now for some practical input.
Being a mother, I find that having a traveling nanny is ideal. Some prefer to hire baby-sitters in the cities where they work. With a nanny, however, your child has a constant presence with whom they can bond. This helps them to feel safe and secure, especially when mom or dad is at rehearsal or an evening performance.
Regarding your child’s education, home schooling has become a popular and more widely welcomed option in recent years. Most states require testing home-schooled children to determine whether they are at the level the U.S. Department of Education and their local school district require. Research shows that state test results for home-schooled children are often higher than those of children who attend a local school. One reason is the one-on-one attention home-schooled children receive.
Taking your child on the road, assuming he or she travels well and is fine with the regular change of surroundings, is an unparalleled adventure and so life enriching.
If you are concerned about not having enough energy and focus for your partner and child while remaining very active in your career, relax. You will discover a previously untapped reservoir of energy, strength, focus, and determination. In fact, this reservoir is endless.
My main message here is this: Where there’s a will there is indeed a way. It takes a village to raise a child—and in our business you will need to hire someone from that splendid village to become a more permanent member of your household, to make sure that your little one receives all the focus, love, and attention he or she needs when either parent is at work.
If becoming a parent is one of your greatest dreams—and you understand that you are signing up for this miraculous gift and responsibility for life—you should do it. You needn’t close the door on this blessing because of how jealous a mistress this profession can be. With balance, there is room for both aspects of your life to exist and blossom.
