As she was preparing for an audition, a violist I’m working with asked me,”Do you ever forget you’re going to be okay no matter what happens in an audition or performance?,”
“Um, yeah!”, I replied. “All the time!”
“Well, do you think there’s a way to make sure you remember it when something actually counts?”
I thought that was a great question, but I didn’t answer it in the way she was expecting.
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything we can do to make sure we remember that, because I don’t think we control what we think or how we feel and when. But while most people in this situation would look for strategies and techniques to make sure they remember or feel more confident in “high stakes” situations, I think a WAY more valuable conversation to have is, “Does anything actually count?” Are there really “stakes”?
IMHO? No.
“But Nicholas, things DO count,” I can hear you saying. “There are real world consequences to something not going well!”⠀
Yeah, you’re absolutely right. And that’s not what I’m talking about here.
Because I don’t think that’s the “risk” that actually scares or stops us. Deep down, we all get that some things we do go well and some don’t. Some things work out how we wanted, some don’t. That’s life.
I think our real fear is that WE are at risk.
But is that True?
How many times have you been rejected? Something not gone how you wanted? Did or said something you regret? Someone said horrible stuff about you. In the moment, I bet it sucked and felt horrible. At least it does for me!
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But you’re still here!
Every time you thought the world was going to end, it didn’t. You’ve come out the other end Every. Single. Time. Maybe a little dirty and beaten up sometimes, but you’ve ALWAYS come out the other side.
That’s because our true nature is resilience. We’re built to bounce back. And while “failures” might bruise our ego, they can never touch or damage the core of wholeness and well-being we truly are.
The more we see for ourselves that well-being can’t ever be on the line, the scary mirage of “stakes” shimmers and loses its credibility. And with nothing truly to lose, we’re unleashed to just show up and do our thing, the way we know we can.
You’ll still win some and lose some. But that’s okay. You’re playing with the house’s money, friends. Your pot of well-being is safe and secure. So why not go all in?
