Singers frequently find themselves in the position of having to ask for stuff, such as recommendations, money, or information. It’s a difficult thing for most of us, but you can make it easier on yourself and get better results if you ask the right way. Here are some tips on how to do just that.
TIP #1: Don’t ask for favors if you don’t really need them.
In this society of quick fixes, an entitlement mentality, and the world at your fingertips via easy Internet access, too often we get lazy and ask other people to do our work for us. Ask too often or for things you could easily do for yourself with a little elbow grease, and you will quickly develop a reputation for laziness. People are usually happy to help out if they can but no one wants to help someone who isn’t clearly making efforts to help themselves.
Case in point: Not too long ago an online acquaintance got into a bind and asked for help in figuring a way out. This person received lots of good advice but responded only with a litany of reasons the advice wouldn’t work (and making it obvious she hadn’t tried to take any of the advice). It didn’t take long for people to stop caring or trying to help with the problem, and it left a bit of a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. Next time this person has an issue, I predict that people will be less likely to respond.
TIP #2: Know what you want and be prepared to express it concisely.
Searching for information can be extremely frustrating, when you’re not sure where to look or what questions you should be asking to find it. Before you begin asking other people (especially experts, who are usually very busy, with many demands for their resources), try to define as specifically as you can what you need to know. This way, you won’t be wasting your time or other people’s.
For example, let’s say you’re looking for a new voice teacher. You go on an Internet forum where you are a relative unknown and ask, “Can anyone recommend a voice teacher?”
**Cue cricket sound effect.**
A better way to ask would be, “Can anyone recommend a voice teacher in St. Louis? I’ve just graduated with my master’s in voice and will be staying there with my folks for at least a year while I build up my savings. I’m a coloratura soprano and would prefer to study with the same.”
TIP #3: Make it easy and desirable for people to help you.
When you are asking for favors, it is your responsibility—not to mention in your best interest—to do the legwork and to make it as easy as possible for someone to help you. It’s only polite, and let’s face it, nothing will get you on someone’s blacklist faster than asking for stuff and being rude about it. They may help you once, but never again.
I speak from personal experience here. Strangers write me all the time asking to be listed on my free Resources for Singers website www.thebusinessofsinging.com/sr_resources/sr_resources.htm. People routinely ignore the clear instructions for how to request a listing and send me nothing but a link to their website, expecting me to take the time to extract the information needed to post. Other people get testy when I don’t respond as fast as they think I should. Needless to say, these folks are not high on my list of people to whom I wish to offer free publicity.
The moral of this little story? Read the directions and then follow them. Be nice about it.
Other ways you can be nice to people you are asking to do things for you:
• Give them plenty of time to execute the favor. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for anyone else. If you need letters of recommendation, ask as far in advance as you can, but no less than one week. If you need someone to make a phone call for you, ask a couple of weeks in advance of the deadline, and tell them when the optimal time to call would be. If you’re trying to raise money for a program or publicize a recital, start a year in advance if you can, and let people know about any events at least a month in advance.
• If it’s a last-minute favor, go out of your way to make it easy. Last minute opportunities do arise, and if you find yourself needing help in a crunch, this is a good time to call on the people who are closest to you rather than acquaintances or complete strangers. Show extra appreciation and ask if there’s anything you can do to make the task easier—then do it promptly and correctly.
• Do all the dirty work yourself. If you’re asking for a letter, provide an self-addressed, stamped envelope. Offer all pertinent information—such as names, titles, phone numbers, e-mail addresses, background information, and special notes—in written form. If you’re submitting information for publication, double check to make sure you’ve used the proper format.
• If you’re asking for help from someone who doesn’t know you well, make it easy for them to remember who you are. People in positions to give favors often have many connections, and they are asked for help frequently. Don’t assume they know who you are or remember the context in which you met. Save them the effort and embarrassment by reminding them right off the bat who you are and how they know you.
• Make your presentation neat and readable. If you’re asking your favor in writing, check your spelling, grammar, punctuation, and accuracy carefully. Type it and make sure the font is large and readable. Sloppiness makes a terrible impression every time.
TIP #4: Ask the right person.
One of my former day jobs was working for the charity foundation of a very large corporation. Daily, I was the first line of defense against hordes of people who wanted help from this foundation. The problem was, the foundation had very specific guidelines for giving, and most people did not bother to discover those before they poured their hearts, time, and resources into requests. It was very sad—some people had worked very hard on their presentations and were clearly in need, but the foundation could not even consider them, because they did not fit the guidelines for giving.
We were also a sort of junk pile for requests no one knew quite what to do with. I spent a lot of time trying to locate the proper person to handle each request, but I suspect that many times the letter just got handed off from department to department until it ended up in someone’s trash can.
Arts organizations don’t usually have the manpower to give a lot of time to correcting misdirected requests, so it’s in your best interests to do some research and find out which person you should be addressing, along with their proper title and the correct spelling of their name.
TIP #5: For heaven’s sake, say “thank you,” and say it right.
It never ceases to amaze how often people forget to say thank you, or fail to do so in a timely fashion. Whether you’ve asked for information from a vendor, a donation from a patron, or time from a colleague, it is incredibly rude not to acknowledge that they have helped you. The fact that someone is a friend does not exempt you from thanking them for favors big and small. Not only is saying “thank you” the right thing to do, it’s to your best advantage.
A written thank-you note is always proper and polite, even for small favors from close friends. (If they’re a close enough acquaintance, an e-mail may suffice.) For more involved favors, especially for someone who repeatedly does favors for you, consider sending a gift in proportion to the favor they did. For example, send a fruit basket to the office of a doctor who saw you for free; a gourmet coffee subscription for the coach who is always giving you recommendations; a nice bottle of wine for the opera company publicist who rewrote your bio for you and made sure your photo got in the paper.
You should also try to repay a favor as quickly as possible. You may not think you can do anything for the person who helped you, but it’s polite to at least offer—and when the time comes to cash in the chips, make sure you respond promptly, graciously, enthusiastically, and appropriately.
Singing is a networking business, and favors are an important part of networking. Treat favors, both given and received, as an important aspect of your singing business. You’ll be doing yourself a favor.
