Dear Erda:
This week, I received an interesting letter and would appreciate your suggestions for dealing with it. My teacher of three years decided he no longer wishes to be known as my teacher. He suggested that I can say we’ve coached here and there during the time we worked together, and [that] I need to confer with him each time I wish to send out this information. Because I am doing so many auditions, it is not practical to request permission every time, so I’ve removed his information from my résumé.
I respect that famous singers have a right to supervise the use of their names, but it puts me in a delicate position. How do I explain a three-year gap in my studies, on YAP and college applications? For repeat applications, how do I explain the absence of his information, if a company asks? Friends, colleagues, and companies believe that he is my teacher. How do I change this perception without drawing too much attention to the change?
Thank you for your suggestions.
Shocked and awed.
Dear Shocked:
First, I’m very sorry to hear that you have been put in such an awkward and painful situation. It is so strange, in fact, that I wonder if there is a part of the story that’s missing. Is this completely out of the blue? Did you have a falling out? Did your teacher say why he no longer wants to be known as your teacher? (I’d certainly want to know that, after someone had been taking my money for three years.)
This is not necessarily a reflection on you, but please keep in mind that any advice I have for you is skewed by the fact that we have only one side of the picture.
Regardless of your backstory, the fact is, this person accepted you as a student and worked with you, not for three lessons, but for three whole years. (I assume you have cancelled checks to prove it.) I’m no lawyer, but in my opinion, unless it is an exaggeration or an untruth to say you studied voice (built technique) with him, he is not within his rights to demand that you now conceal the fact that you worked with him, or to “supervise” the use of his name. You are correct in assuming that being unable to list a teacher for those three years would look very strange on a college or YAP application, and I don’t think it’s reasonable for your teacher to ask this of you.
The first thing I would do is try to get more information. I think it is very important for you to find out why your teacher wishes to disassociate from you, and whether he has any concerns you may be able to allay in order to resolve the situation more favorably. If he is not willing to speak with you about it (the fact that he sent you a letter, rather than addressing you in person, indicates he is trying to put some distance between you), you might try the “back door”—see if you can get a trusted go-between to get the story for you.
Does the teacher have reason to believe you might make a scene in person (for example, if you’ve been emotional or volatile in response to criticism or difficult situations in the past)? Again, I am not accusing you of anything—but, especially if this has been an issue in the past, you will want to make great efforts to remain very calm, unemotional, and professional in handling any future communication. If you do succeed in speaking to him, do not make any promises regarding what you will or will not do. Simply say that you need time to think, and you will get back to him. Insist on it, if necessary.
If you can’t get any further information, the next step is to write him a polite, registered letter. Thank him for the time he’s spent with you. Express your confusion and hurt (calmly, professionally) over his sudden decision. Then explain to him that you are simply not comfortable with lying about your work with him, and that furthermore, it puts you in an extremely awkward position in terms of your résumé and applications just as you are beginning your professional career, and that it is impractical for you to ask his permission each and every time you send out materials. (I wouldn’t include this, but the fact is that it is not necessary to ask his permission to use his name on your résumé, because you did in fact study with him for three years.) Write that you certainly will respect his decision not to work with you in the future and will no longer claim to be studying with him, but you will continue to list him on your materials as a former teacher, which is, after all, the truth. Close by saying you regret that the situation is uncomfortable for you both, and you wish him all good things for the future.
Next, I would reinstate his name on your résumé and list him on applications. Later, when you are past your college/YAP years, you can remove him. That mysterious gap will not be important once you’re working. You do want to avoid calling attention to it, however. It doesn’t look very good to say, “My teacher asked me to pretend like we never worked with each other.”
Furthermore, it’s not such a big deal to change teachers. Singers do it all the time. There’s no need to make a big, formal announcement. When friends or companies ask, simply say you’re not working with him anymore. Hopefully you will have found a great new teacher by that time!
There is one caveat if you choose to go this route: Be prepared. If a college contacts him as a reference, he may not give you a good review—so when you are asked for references, don’t use him. Also, realize that if he is the vindictive type, he may badmouth you, which could be damaging to your fledgling career. You can minimize any such effects by rallying every coach, conductor, singer, and other teacher you’ve worked with to sing your praises. A discreet word here and there should do it. Also, make sure any references you do use are sterling.
If you choose to acquiesce to your former teacher’s demands, be aware that there really is no good solution for not listing a teacher during those three formative years. If asked, you will either have to lie, or (my preference) hold your head high and say that you did study with the same teacher for three years, but by mutual decision you no longer claim each other. I doubt any company is going to ask why he no longer appears on your résumé, but if they do, tell them the same. In fact, that’s what I’d say to anyone who asked.
It is going to raise eyebrows no matter what. However, as long as you remain calm and matter-of-fact about it, treat it like a non-event, and demonstrate impeccable professionalism in addition to vocal talent, whatever people think in the beginning, they will end by thinking that the problem must have been his.
Good luck!
Cindy
