Hey Divas!
By the time you’re reading this, I will officially be done with my month apart from my partner, Toby—but right now, we still have a couple of weeks to go. After enduring three full years of long distance, I have somehow grown to enjoy it (shocking, I know). Of course, I still miss Toby terribly, but overall, the time apart has given me the chance to get to know myself and fully focus on my own growth.
Simply put: with the right person, the distance won’t matter. Don’t get me wrong— it will be painful. There will be missed anniversaries, big moments, hard times, but if you’re with the person who gets you, who loves and understands you in a way no one else ever has, then the distance only strengthens your bond. I promise.
But let’s put a pin in this conversation because we have a lot to get through… this month we’re diving into the oh-so-convoluted world of dating as an artist, dating another artist, and navigating the inevitable long distance that often comes with both.
Buckle up.
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Celebrating Each Other’s Wins
This past fall, Toby got a call offering him the lead role in Die Fledermaus at his alma mater in North Carolina. We celebrated with a day of exploring the MET Museum followed by dinner at Irving Farm. It wasn’t always that way.
Toby and I started dating our sophomore year at UCLA. A couple years later, we were applying to graduate schools– Toby is two years older than me and a tenor (*classic*). He also happens to have the most velvety, robust voice I have ever heard. So, to absolutely no one’s surprise, he was getting accepted to schools with scholarships while I was struggling to land auditions. Fellow sopranos, I see and hear you.
It’s embarrassing to admit now, but my envy was slowly suffocating me. Each acceptance letter he received weighed on me as a personal failure. Shame then showed up to finish the job by mocking me for even feeling that way in the first place. I made it out alive and here’s what I’ve learned: there aren’t a finite number of opportunities. Someone else’s success does not inherently diminish the potential for your own. I think it’s safe to say dreams of mine came true too.
Today, I celebrate Toby’s wins as my own– this came naturally to him and is one of the things I love most about him. Remember: you’re a team. And a team that doesn’t hype itself up is no team I want any part of.
Create Together
If you’re comfortable, try collaborating on projects. Whether it’s a recital, a social media post, or a silly song in your kitchen, creating together deepens your bond. And creating art with someone who truly understands you is a gift– never take it for granted.
Surviving Long Distance
Long-distance relationships magnify everything—insecurities, misunderstandings, and already big feelings. But with preparation and communication, the distance becomes manageable.
Here is my survival guide:
- Therapy: Seriously, everyone, especially those in the arts, should have a therapist. If you have no idea where to begin, try going through your network, BetterHelp, or if you’re a student, your school’s resources.
- Communication Routine: Be sure to explicitly talk through your communication expectations and boundaries before it becomes an issue.
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Toby and I text each other good morning, call at night, and check in throughout the day. On busy days, I keep a list of things I want to tell him so I don’t forget any of the little things.
- Virtual Dates: Some of my favorites include dinner dates (cook together or order the same type of food), movie nights (the Teleparty extension is great), and a walk-and-talk call.
- Plan Visits and Mini Milestones: Book your next visit as soon as possible. Plan weekend trips or even small celebrations to look forward to. Intentionally installing lights at the end of the tunnel makes the time apart more bearable.
Growing Side by Side
Dating another artist comes with a whole set of unique challenges: unpredictable schedules, financial instability and everything that is the emotional rollercoaster of building a career in the arts. But dating someone who understands this world is also a profound gift.
Every time Toby and I are apart, our love and connection grow stronger. Long distance has given us the gift of focusing on ourselves while supporting and cheering each other on from afar. We’re growing side by side, not apart. And that, my love, is possible for you too.
Until next time! Keep shining.
Your fellow Diva,
Teddy
