Donna Fisher is the founder and president of Discovery Seminars, and has worked in sales, marketing, and management with Exxon and McDonnell-Douglas. She has published several books and articles, including Power Networking: 55 Secrets for Personal and Professional Success.
CS: Glittery parties are part of an entertainer’s job, and yet the tendency is to huddle with other singers rather than work the room. How do you make the most of a party situation?
Fisher: People are going to be more uncomfortable coming over to you, because you’re the entertainer. It’s up to you to make them feel comfortable about talking to you. I work with people on self-introduction, and encourage them to come up with the words they want to say ahead of time so they can practice. You have to realize that it’s of value to other people that they meet you.
CS: What do you do at a party where you don’t know anyone and no one is interacting outside their little groups?
Fisher: Walk in and kind of look around. Notice what’s going on and get a feel for the room. Think ahead of time if there are certain people you want to meet, greet, or get introduced to–think ahead about what you want to have happen.
First, approach a group where there’s someone you know well, whom you feel comfortable greeting. Your next choice would be an individual who’s alone. Get a conversation going, and let other people be attracted to that. The third choice would be a group where you don’t know anyone. Get as close as you can, to let people know that you’re there and want to be included. Give them a chance to shift how they’re standing to include you. Listen until you have a chance to comment, or ask a question that shows an interest in what they’re talking about. If nothing happens, just move on. If there’s a small group intensively engaged in conversation, don’t go to that group. Look for conversations that are light and open.
CS: Singers often feel that, because it’s such a buyer’s market, they don’t have value to offer. How do you learn to value what you have?
Fisher: Networking is not sales, and it’s not about using or manipulating people. It is about meeting people with an attitude of finding what you can do for them, and they can do for you. It’s important that people shift their attitudes about networking–it’s not self-serving, it’s about giving and offering value. People get value simply from meeting the entertainers. There is personal satisfaction–it makes people feel good.
And I’m actually being of service to people by being available so that if they ever need my service, they know me. When I need a product or service, I am always so pleased to already know who to call!
CS: How valuable is networking among people who aren’t potential employers? Should we limit our networking to those we know can directly help us?
Fisher: I like to use the analogy of a treasure hunt: Part of the fun is that you don’t know where the jewels are. Networking is like that–you never know when that person is going to pass your name along to someone. Sometimes the jewels show up in the most unexpected places.
CS: How do you undo a bad first impression?
Fisher: Identify what made you think you made a bad impression. Is there something to apologize for, clear up, or clarify? Then you might just go over and say, for example, “I’m sorry, I just noticed that when we met I had my mind on other things, and didn’t really pay attention to you.” Think about what impression you want to make this time.
Most of the time, when we make a bad impression it’s because we weren’t thinking. So think ahead of time what you want people to remember and think about when they think of you. What do you say and do to create that image?
In certain situations, you can send a note. If you don’t want to say “I’m sorry,” say you want to “clear something up.” Say you hope this won’t get in the way of the two of you talking when you call later.
CS: How do you keep a contact open when people don’t call you back, without seeming to pester them?
Fisher: Sometimes I call people and nothing happens for a couple of years. If I start feeling uncomfortable because I think I’ve called a lot, when I get them on the phone I say, “I don’t want to keep bugging you, but I am very interested in keeping in contact. Is it okay if I call again?” Ninety-nine percent of the time they say, “Oh, yes.” Then I ask when I should call.
CS: What if you never get to speak to the person?
Fisher: When I have called several times and left voice mail, I usually call back with a little stronger message. “I’m calling to continue our conversation about …I would very much appreciate some information on how I may best get in touch with you.” I let them know then, without being accusing, that I’ve been attempting to reach them, but I do use a stronger tone of voice.
CS: Is it detrimental to try to network with someone too far above you? Say, you get on the elevator with the general director of an opera company, and you’re a lowly chorister, but you want to sing lead roles one day.
Fisher: They know that there are people out there working their way up. Acknowledge him or her, and possibly say, “I look forward to the possibility of someday singing for you.” Don’t ask for anything. Don’t preach, teach, impress, or put people on the spot. Simply say, “It’s nice to meet you in person.” It’s just courtesy to introduce yourself to someone you’re standing next to.
If they’re not interested in small talk, that’s it. Let the introduction stand. Be willing to move out of your comfort zone and approach people–open the door for conversation. They can choose whether to or not to talk, and don’t take it personally if they don’t.
CS: But we do tend to take it personally if someone won’t talk to us–that fear of rejection is what makes it so hard to approach people, especially the “higher-ups.”
Fisher: Rejection has to do with our attitude, not theirs. Go to him or her (the “higher-up”) without an agenda. All I can do is my part–step forward and initiate conversation, and offer an opportunity to connect. Some people will respond, and some won’t. When people don’t respond, it’s often because they’re shy, scared, or don’t know what to say. It has nothing to do with me.
I believe we set ourselves up for rejection. It’s our thinking that creates the sense of rejection, because we have a demand–if they don’t say or do this or that, I’m going to feel rejected. When we do that, we miss out on what’s right in front of us.
CS: How do you make it seem worth a company’s time to hear you if you are trying to get an audition outside regularly scheduled times–for instance, if you’re going to be in their city?
Fisher: Think of the best way it can be worded, in terms of how you’re serving them, or offering them something. “I’m going to be in your city, and would like to make it easy for you to review my work. I could come by on short notice.” Speak regarding value to them.
CS: How can you effectively reschedule an appointment that was difficult to get in the first place?
Fisher: Ask for what you really want. If what you really want is to be rescheduled, say how important it is. “I hate to do this, because I know you worked hard to get this scheduled…” Offer a date, and tell them you’ll do whatever you need to do to come in another time.
CS: And if they will reschedule, but not this season when there’s a role you know is perfect for you?
Fisher: Give them some options. If you don’t get what you really want, state how important this is, and ask them again. Don’t expect them to remember anything–how you were booked in the first place, or what you were booked for. Bring forth in your speaking what you want them to be thinking.
