A female vocalist will prepare for many roles throughout the course of her operatic career, but none as demanding, joyful, or rewarding as the biggest role of all—the coveted and lifelong role of becoming a mother.
For the aspiring vocalist, this decision might seem unfathomable, but several seasoned professionals tell CS that taking on the role of a mom is far from a career death sentence.
Balancing a successful opera career with the responsibilities of motherhood poses its challenges, but singers are making it happen.
“Singing is an extremely high-maintenance career, so becoming a parent is all in the timing,” says soprano Robin Follman. “Children tend to bring on the added ideas of fatigue, illness, and a huge amount of stress. You need to be solid and set within every aspect of yourself, your technique, and your career before you bring a child into the mix. A child will only magnify anything unsettled and unresolved. There needs to be a sense of readiness.”
Follman, a vocalist who has garnered a devoted following and international acclaim, made the decision early in her profession to hold off on having children until she was well-established—a move she says is common for many women in the unique and demanding profession of opera.
At 38, she and her husband of 12 years are in the early stages of planning a family.
“We have both always been very focused on our careers,” Follman says. “There was a certain level of achievement we wanted to meet before we had kids. So many individuals—not only singers—will have children without giving themselves a chance to fully develop as individuals, as professionals, or as themselves. This is an important thing to do. You can have it all, just not always all at the same time. But throughout your career, you want someone to share your accomplishments with, and finding a partner who understands your commitments is just as important.”
The opera world has become increasingly more supportive of vocalists taking on the dual role of parenting and a career. From opera’s most elite to rising singing sensations, today’s industry seems to prefer stability in its performers, often assisting with child care support and travel arrangements.
In earlier times this was not always the case.
“My voice teacher told me not to have kids, but I refused to listen,” says Connie Barnett, a vocalist, and career advisor and manager. “At the time when I decided to have kids, it was a total ‘hush hush.’ No one in the business had kids—but I didn’t care.”
Barnett fought an internal struggle when it came to choosing between having kids or having a career in opera. This battle remained at the forefront of her mind from college to her illustrious days as a vocalist with several major companies.
“I wanted to sing professionally, but I also wanted to have ‘five’ kids,” she says. “I ended up with three, while continuing to sing, eventually working as a manager, and beyond that, doing concerts and raising my kids.”
As her children grew, Barnett took on a new operatic angle. She became a manager with CAMI and later founded a coaching and consultation business—Barnett Associates—which provided her with more home time.
“It allowed me to be more creative with my work and advise artists and managers,” Barnett says. “As my kids grew, I knew I needed to be closer to home. They have often thanked me for it. Once you have children, sometimes you need to find different or alternate approaches to your involvement.”
Barnett says that while careful planning and career adjustments can be friendly assets for women in opera, there is no perfect time to have kids.
“Some will just make it work,” she says. “There are others who wait and wait, and it can become very difficult. They might find out they can’t conceive or that the timing is wrong for a very busy career.”
This strikes a chord, particularly in female vocalists, whose singing prime coincides with the body’s prime time to have a baby.
In addition, pregnancy and giving birth bring women their own set of vocal and physical changes. A website that serves as an online support source for singing professionals with children, operamom.com, says that each trimester of pregnancy poses potential problems for vocal health.
The first few months lead to great hormonal changes in the body that can affect a singer’s vocal range and ability. The site says the second trimester can begin well for some vocalists. As the baby continues to develop into the third trimester, however, limited excursion of the diaphragm follows, and breath support, deep inhalation, and the ability to sing sustained notes become limited. Physical changes include carrying the baby high and gaining excess weight, or carrying the baby low, and gaining less weight.
All of these changes can ultimately result in casting difficulties.
“These days, opera is becoming more visually oriented,” Follman says. “. . . When a company hires you, and they see you looking a certain way, you need to still have a ‘semblance of resemblance.’”
Follman says companies often include this in a singer’s contract for staging and costuming purposes. Any changes frequently prompt the company to reevaluate the singer’s desirability for a role.
“If you show up eight months pregnant and the company was not informed, there obviously is a frustration, and they feel a little burned,” Follman says.
All of this brings the need for professionalism during pregnancy into sharp focus.
“It’s important to be as professional and communicative as you can be,” Follman says. “A singer must look at these companies as if they [the singer and the company] are in it together. Everyone is in a position to succeed, not just you. . . . This needs to be the mentality if you, as a singer, will survive.”
Acclaimed soprano Jessica Jones is meeting many of these challenges head on, with the birth of her first child, Ella.
“I always knew I wanted to have children,” she says. “I didn’t always know I wanted to be an opera singer.”
Jones says most companies have been supportive about her pregnancy. One company found it to be an issue, but this is just par for the course, she adds.
Like many female vocalists, Jones felt torn between her desire to raise a family and her desire to pursue her newfound singing ability. Then, while attending a Young Artist Program, she received resounding advice from one of opera’s luminaries.
“Frederica von Stade said to me, ‘If you want to have children, do it. Don’t let this field stop you,’” Jones recalls. “She was very well-established in opera, but said her daughters were her greatest joy and that she wouldn’t trade a second of that.”
So far, Jones has enjoyed every moment with her 9-month-old daughter, as well as returning to the stage—though pregnancy did pose its challenges. She warns that singers need to expect the unexpected when it comes to carrying a child.
“You never realize how your body is going to react,” she says. “Some women can become ill throughout the duration of their pregnancy, and there are both vocal and physical health factors to consider, which can result in you needing to take time off or cancel engagements.”
There also were incredible moments during Jones’ pregnancy, moments that left an indelible impression on her.
“I was performing Beethoven’s Ninth, and whenever I would sing, the baby wouldn’t move at all . . . [as if the baby was asking] ‘What’s going on?’” she remembers. “Whenever the tenor would sing, I could feel her moving all over. I kept thinking, ‘She must really like this. She’s dancing!’ It was such a fascinating thing. All I could think about was telling her when she got older, and heard a recording of that, that I was pregnant with her while I was singing. And what an incredible life for a child as well—to be able to be surrounded by such beautiful music and wonderfully talented people, and to travel all over.”
Soprano Christine Goerke is another vocalist who finds being a mother to her 1-year-old daughter, Maggie, her most fulfilling role.
“I wanted to be a mother long before I realized I could sing,” Goerke says. “I had resigned myself to having my career in lieu of a family simply because, at 32, I hadn’t met anyone that I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. When I met my husband and realized that I could have my family, my home, and my life, I immediately knew that I’d figure out a way to do it.”
Now, at 38, Goerke says that while there might not be a right time in the opera profession—or in any profession—there is a right time in your life.
“You have to know what you want out of this career,” she says. “There are many different levels, venues, and gigs. All take talent. All take perseverance. All take desire—and all are rewarding. You just need to listen to yourself.
“If you want both [a singing career and a family], by all means, do it! It’s absolutely possible, but it does require sacrifice. How much on the career end and how much on the family end is the big equation. You have to do the math on that one, and each person will come up with different answers as to what is acceptable on either side.”
Goerke says she and her husband discussed how they’d handle having a baby while she was on the road—they even looked at her schedule to see when a birth would best fit in.
“That was quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I did,” Goerke says. “As far as first babies go, I will say that there are a lot of things I didn’t think of that we learned to deal with on the fly. Any new parent in any career will tell you the same.”
About being a woman in opera and with a baby, Goerke doesn’t mince words.
“I absolutely felt that women without children were viewed as less of a hassle in this business,” she says. “I was nervous about that, but it didn’t deter me. It takes a lot more advanced planning to get everything done, and having to travel with a little one, and work, requires help. When you decide to do this, don’t be brave. Ask for and accept any help that is offered.”
Maggie will accompany her mother on an upcoming trip to Italy, the baby’s first international venture with mom.
“I am positively dreading a 10-hour flight with a 1-year-old,” Goerke says. “She might surprise me and do just fine, but even if she doesn’t, you know, she’s 1. It happens. I don’t relish the thought of being ‘that mommy who has the screaming kid.’ Sadly for the other passengers, she has my lungs.”
It is becoming more common for singers to travel with baby in tow, but fellow soprano and opera mom Sari Gruber usually flies solo for engagements. It can be incredibly difficult, she says.
“We find that we have to visit each other more often. My husband and I used to be able to go four weeks without seeing each other, [but] four weeks in the life of a baby is like a year!”
Gruber’s 19-month-old daughter, Katharine, is growing and changing rapidly.
Like others, Gruber is convinced that perfect timing for having a baby in the midst of an opera career is impossible and that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
“Someone once told me that there is never a good time to have a child in this career,” she says. “In fact, many managers advise against it, claiming children can be a ‘career killer.’ While this attitude frustrates me, I can understand why it exists. Motherhood changes some of us. It can take our drive away. What this attitude fails to recognize is that motherhood also makes us richer artists.”
Gruber, who is in her mid-30s, was another vocalist who waited until she was well-established before she had children—a decision she is thankful for. Acknowledging that parenthood would instigate a profound transformation, Gruber and her husband knew without question: when a child came into their lives, it would take priority above a career.
“I can’t imagine struggling to start up a career while facing the challenges of new motherhood,” Gruber says. “I would not have done it any other way. I am not a person to do anything halfway, so I knew I would not be happy giving my child over to a full-time nanny. I wanted to be there for my child as much as possible. Of course, I have to work and be away sometimes, but I just can’t wait to be home with Katharine.”
Gruber still enjoys a rather active career.
“I am quite satisfied that I achieved many of the things I wanted to in my career before Katharine was born,” she says. “I had great satisfaction in feeling that way when I brought a child into the world.”
Gruber is quick to point out, however, that while singing is still a great joy and commitment, her greater joy is in her family.
“Life no longer revolves around my singing career—Katharine comes first,” she says. “I simply have to trust my well-honed musicianship and technique more because I have less time to obsess about it, but honestly, I welcome this change in so many ways. Katharine is a constant reminder to me of what is most important in my life—family and love. I could never cuddle up to a good review the way I cuddle up with my family. To me, being married and having children, that’s what it’s all about. Having a happy career—that’s the whipped cream on top.
“If you are thinking of having children, do it,” Gruber adds. “Don’t miss out on the most profound experiences in life because of a career. For those of you who are already opera parents, my advice is to keep breathing. Your child is the lead now. No one dies if you have an off day singing. And if you really have a tough day at work, just remember that 99.9 percent of the U.S. population watches NASCAR, not opera. Singing is fun, satisfying, thrilling, and fulfilling, to a certain extent—but nothing is better than a hug and a wet, sloppy kiss from your kid when you get home. Nothing.”
