Abusive people are experts at luring in their victims and making their victims feel that they are the ones at fault. You may not realize you are being abused until it has been happening for some time. Some clues that you are being abused may include:
• Dread of going to lessons.
• Leaving lessons with lowered self-esteem.
• Increased feelings of depression, agitation, anxiety, or aggression.
• Wanting to withdraw from regular social contact; reluctance to be around other voice students and friends.
• Regular emotional outbreaks during or after lessons (crying, etc.).
• Fear of voicing an opinion contrary to the teacher’s.
• Teacher regularly criticizes colleagues and other students and seems jealous and overly competitive with other studios.
• Teacher repeatedly uses pejorative terms or gives unjustified criticism.
• Teacher yells, belittles, threatens, blames, mocks, or criticizes you as a person.
• Teacher insists that you will “never succeed” without their help.
• Teacher touches you inappropriately or makes unwanted sexual advances.
• Teacher uses off-color or suggestive language, or talks about inappropriate topics.
Be on the lookout for ego-driven teachers, Svengalis who want to control their students’ lives and who threaten failure if you don’t adhere religiously to their principles, see their therapist, or insist that they and they alone teach the One True Vocal Technique, without which you cannot succeed. These people are dangerous and not worth the toll they will take on your psyche and progress, no matter how well you think they are working for you.
Other warning signs include:
• Refusing to allow you to perform, especially after you have been studying for some time.
• Lack of connections to other teachers and colleagues.
• Discouraging students from getting opinions from other professionals.
• “Having it in” for or being unduly hard on certain voice types (especially their own) or students, while letting others get away with everything.
• Insistence that they (and they alone) can make you a star.
• Insistence that they can make you a star in a short period of time.
• Any promise that sounds too good to be true.
• Making lots of excuses for bad behavior, shortcomings, lack of successful students, etc.
A good teacher is kind, supportive, patient, positive, and secure. A good teacher believes in his or her own knowledge and is not threatened by differences of opinion. A good teacher knows that he may be very good at what he does, but that doesn’t mean he’s the right teacher for every student.
* Excerpt from The Student Singer’s Starter Kit
