Of all the professions, the singing profession is one of the hardest to master. Interacting with a wide variety of “artistic” personalities, the expense of training, and relying on spotty sources of income are just a few reasons why many emerging professionals quit after just a few years. Despite these stressors, some singers become accomplished in their field and outperform their colleagues on a regular basis. They consistently land better and better jobs, and they become some of the top income earners, whether in opera or doing other types of gigs.
What sets these high achievers apart from the crowd? Quite simply, they have mastered rejection.
The Rejection Factor
Many singers may appear confident on the outside, but inside they have a fear of rejection. If their manager is talking positively to them about their career, if the chorus master or general director is smiling and paying attention during the audition, they feel confident and happy.
If the vibes are bad, however, or the feedback is negative, doubt and a sense of failure creep in. They start to question themselves. They feel stressed. They look to an external source for their motivation, rather than relying on a deep-seated confidence for their sense of self-worth.
Singers who have mastered rejection have created that strong sense of self-confidence. Regardless of what happens or what someone says, nothing bothers them. Their motto is: “I feed on rejection. I know who I am and I’m good at what I do.” They fully expect to win at least 25 percent of their auditions, so if someone rejects them, they brush it off and move on. They never flinch, because they don’t internalize people’s comments. What other people say doesn’t determine their self-worth.
To make yourself truly rejection-proof, you need to go through a four-step process that will build your confidence. Only then will you have the resilience to handle any comment or situation that comes your way.
1. Inoculate Yourself Against Doubt
A lack of self-confidence is really self-doubt, and doubt is a reflection of something you’re concerned about or afraid of. So the first step is to pinpoint what you have doubts about.
Do you doubt something about your “product”? Do you doubt that the world really needs what you are offering? Do you doubt that this auditioner needs your particular talent? Do you doubt your ability to get in front of the right auditioner? Do you doubt your ability to convince a high-level decision maker? Do you doubt your “product’s” (voice, presentation, emotion, etc.) value?
To uncover your doubts, consider yourself like a business. Analyze every aspect of what you offer: your company, your product, your service, your position, and yourself. Once you identify your doubts, you can inoculate yourself against them, much like an allergist inoculates for allergies. Inoculate yourself by gradually increasing your exposure to the situations that cause you fear, until they don’t bother you anymore.
If you have a doubt about your “product,” use product research to analyze your product and see if your doubt is unfounded. (Does your voice, acting, appearance, resume, headshot, image really need yet another overhaul, or are you using these as excuses to avoid facing rejection?!)
If you doubt your abilities when auditioning or making calls to managers, perhaps you need to get more training. But if you have high-level feedback (besides your teacher) that you are ready and it is only your confidence that is the problem, gradually increase the number of auditions or phone calls you make to higher-level people. After each call, analyze what happened. Identify what went well and what you will do differently next time. As you analyze the interaction, keep in mind that you did the best you could and made the best decisions possible based on the information you had at the time.
This is important. Your comfort zone will expand or contract according to your actions. If you’re fearful or doubtful about something and withdraw from it, your comfort zone regarding that situation will shrink. Eventually you’ll become so uncomfortable that you’ll quit. If you face your doubt head-on and work through it, however, your comfort zone will expand. Your doubt will fade and your confidence will grow. [This is, of course, assuming that you are on the right path for your life. You know, deep down, whether this is your life’s work at this moment of time. But that is fodder for a different article!]
2. Trust Your Tools
No matter what happens during a phone call or an audition, you are going to be OK, because you have the tools to handle it. The three most important tools you bring to any interaction are your knowledge, skill, and ability. So take stock of these three tools. Identify your greatest strengths and review the areas where you have limitations.
Where do you excel? Do you have a great messa di voce? Find an aria that capitalizes on that! Are your looks your strong point? Make sure you walk in to that audition taking time to emphasize that fact! It’s no crime to know you look great! How about your coloratura? Find a way to show off your strengths.
Identify your weaknesses as well. Depending on your needs, you may want to attend seminars, read trade or industry journals, such as this magazine or its website (www.classicalsinger.com), which includes a search engine. Use the search engine to find answers to your questions, or find a voice teacher who can help you turn your limitations into strengths.
Often, the people who have hired you in the past, or your coaches and teachers, are a great source of information regarding this crazy business, about who is hiring and for what. The key is to trust your tools and know that they will serve you well, even in the face of rejection.
3. Stop Playing “What If”
Many singers let “what ifs” ruin their day. When they’re preparing for an audition or to make a call or send out materials, they say to themselves, “What if Mr. General Director is having a bad day?” “What if she’s not ready to see me?” “What if the singer before me was a lot better?” They let the ghosts and rejections of the past dictate their thinking today. In fact, they’re so focused on the “what if” scenarios that they often fail to remember that every hirer (general director, manager, chorus master, music minister, etc.) is looking for the next great voice to walk in.
Be that great voice they’re waiting for. Solve their need! Entertain them; move them. Be the reason they flew in that day, got out of bed, schlepped into the city, whatever.
The key to overcoming this “what if” thinking is to let go of the past, live in the present, and look forward to the future. Until you learn to do that, you’ll always be playing the “woulda, shoulda, coulda” game. Realize that you have to be like a champion ice skater and practice falling! The minute the note is finished, the past is past; you cannot relive it. It’s gone. No matter what happened—even if you slipped on the ice and fell—you are immediately up and smiling at the audience helping them get back on track.
You can resurrect any performance with only minor points taken off—if you don’t lose it! What you sang, what you said on the phone 30 seconds ago, cannot be changed. You can’t take back the decision you made last week. If you didn’t get the right result from the decision or didn’t get the correct response from a company or manager, you have a choice: you can either live with the negative consequences or you can make a new decision based on the new information.
The latter is what successful singers do. They don’t dwell on what happened in the past or let it ruin their present. Rather, they enthusiastically look to the future, and they try new strategies and techniques that will help them succeed. They don’t worry about “what if” this new strategy fails. They know that if this strategy fails, they can always try a new strategy later with that same company!
4. Build Your A-Team
In the military, an A-Team is a Special Forces unit made up of select specialists, each possessing a special area of expertise. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower used the concept to help win World War II. He surrounded himself with people from many areas of expertise to whom he could turn for advice when he needed it. In the corporate world, Lee Iacocca did the same thing. By creating a team of select specialists, he was able to turn around the ailing Chrysler Corp.
Unfortunately, many singers mistakenly believe that if they go to someone for help, they’re showing weakness. They think something is wrong with them, and they mentally beat themselves up. In reality, strong and successful people routinely go to others for advice and input. [See Wendy Bryn Harmer’s article this issue on page 46.]
Successful singers know precisely whom to consult to get a manager, to find out about role openings, to see about getting a costume that is unflattering changed. They collect people who matter in every aspect of our business and when they have a problem, they know who to go to! They have their own A-Team, and they don’t feel bad about asking these people for help. Rather than view themselves as weak for going to others, they make themselves stronger by using the strengths of those on their team.
At the very least, your A team should consist of a teacher who can keep you growing vocally, a coach who can keep you on track interpretively and linguistically, and someone you can go to for dramatic help on roles. Advanced singers will want to add a manager to that arsenal, when their career is ready, and later a PR person. And that’s the bare minimum. You’ll need many more people on your team as your career grows! No one can know it all; that’s why you have an A-team.
So focus on building relationships with those people who can help you succeed. When you have a strong A-Team behind you, your doubts will fade, your skills will shine, your actions will be firmly positioned in the present, and you won’t be playing “what if” ever again. You’ll know that your team can help you through any situation.
5. Commit to Confidence
When you employ these strategies, you’ll actually feel your confidence increase. As that happens, you’ll begin to act and carry yourself differently. People will see that professional air the minute you walk into an audition—and you’ll land more jobs! You’ll become more assertive, and your environment will change.
Over time, that general director who always blew you off will begin taking your calls and doing business with you. That more advanced singer who made those not-so-funny jokes about your career will become your ally and peer. You’ll take each audition and phone call in stride, knowing the next job you land is right around the corner. As your confidence grows, “rejection” will become just a word in the dictionary, not a roadblock on the highway to your success.
