Let’s face it, the truth is hard to come by. It’s imperative that young singers have a core handful of people around them whom they really trust and to whom they can go for advice. There have been many times throughout my career when I didn’t know “the answer.” I needed someone to talk to, someone who would tell me the truth, even if it hurt my feelings. I had to have another source of input. It could be a teacher, a trusted friend, a coach, or a loved one–someone to be another set of ears and another opinion, but someone who didn’t have another agenda or any reason to lie to me. I was lucky enough to find these people, and they have helped me keep things in perspective my whole adult life.
When you are just beginning, you get swept up in the traveling, the process of rehearsing, studying, auditioning, and just making ends meet while trying also to have some sort of personal life. It can be overwhelming. Rejections are also a big part of beginning and are hard to take at any stage of development, but in the beginning it can be especially devastating. Keeping things in perspective is not easy, but can be accomplished if you realize that there are many different paths one can take. My career was affected by a series of decisions I made early on that set me on a particular course. Whatever direction a young singer may take will have many twists and turns. Rejections will happen. Sadness will be a part of some of your day. Teachers can help by telling this to their students so that when it does happen, the students don’t feel they are failures but that it is just a normal part of being a singer! There’s nothing wrong with them.
Every last one of us has had days, months, or longer periods of feeling like it’s just never going to get any better–when we want to chuck it all and do something completely different. This is normal. I’ve talked with lots of people in all stages of development, and we all lament the same things: always traveling and tired, or being away from loved ones, or feeling insecure and cut off; fear of not being liked, or of making the wrong decisions; fear of not being able to make ends meet; fear of being lonely–and the list goes on and on. The operative word is all–we all feel these things. This means that we are definitely not alone. No one should ever feel that they can’t handle something, because there are so many who feel the same way and can sympathize, and maybe even provide a solution!
Part of the glory of being an artist is the suffering that comes with it. While this is an idealistic concept, it is also the truth of it. Van Gogh never sold a painting in his lifetime, and he killed himself, not realizing what an incredible success he was, because he couldn’t see the strength of his legacy. His brother Theo believed in him, but no one else could understand his vision. We singers are obliged to “succeed” or “fail” during our lifetimes because we cannot wait for succeeding generations to reevaluate our work. This does not mean that early rejections are permanent! The numbers of singers who have made great successes later in life are legion!
It’s how we deal with the everyday rejections and depression that makes the biggest difference. If we can realize that there is more to life than the little world of opera, and that we are viable human beings in our own right, then we might be able to laugh at ourselves and not take it all so seriously. Realize that it is a game of numbers, and only a small percentage will have the opportunity to gain recognition for their art within the public eye. This does not mean that those who do not receive the public recognition have failed. Singing Rosina beautifully in the privacy of your shower is no less valid than singing it at La Scala. The only difference is in the remuneration. On one side you are paid in lira–on the other…you pay yourself.
