For female classical singers, determining when to start a family can cause a great deal of personal and professional concern. While this article will focus on women and the experience of pregnancy, birth, and child rearing while maintaining a singing and performing career, many of the issues addressed here apply to parenthood in general.
Female singers must deal with a competitive and overcrowded market. Many are reluctant to have children while building a career, worrying that it can affect how often they’ll be hired, if at all. Additionally, news media and health articles aimed at women repeatedly state that waiting “too long” to have a baby may mean a reduction in fertility and the inability to have a baby at all, let alone a healthy one.
In a recent article in the Atlantic, Jean Twenge notes that the idea that women should have children early is based on historical populations. “Surprisingly few well-designed studies of female age and natural fertility include women born in the 20th century—but those that do tend to paint a more optimistic picture,” Twenge writes. In addition, beginning a family early has an effect on one’s career. “An analysis by one economist found that, on average, every year that a woman postpones having children leads to a 10 percent increase in career earnings.”
Does this mean that every woman should wait until they are “established” in a career? Certainly not, according to the successful Opera Moms mentioned here. For mezzo-soprano Jennifer Roderer—who has sung with New York City Opera, Opera Company of Philadelphia, Tulsa Opera, and many others—it was canceled engagements that provided the timing for having children. “There was definitely a silver lining to the Great Recession,” Roderer says. For soprano Maryann Kyle—who has sung at Des Moines Metro Opera and Mississippi Opera and is a professor at the University of Southern Mississippi—having children coincided with completing her education.
“I always wanted children,” says soprano Amy Burton, whose credits include the Metropolitan Opera and New York City Opera, “but there were years where I was on the road almost all the time, including long stints in Europe. I didn’t see how this could possibly work out! Then, I sang Lisa in La sonnambula in Dallas with Frederica von Stade, whose two little daughters came to visit. They even came onstage with her for her entrance, each holding one hand! They were so adorable, and I was filled with longing for a child. So, I asked her how she managed it. And she told me how she worked it out: ‘I only sing out of town once a year, except in the summers, when we all go to Salzburg together. During the year, I sing at the Met and in Philadelphia, so I can be close to home.’ So, I thought, ‘OK, if I can get work here in New York, then I can have that elusive ‘normal life.’ Flicka’s formula gave me a template to follow.”
Once a singer decides to be an Opera Mom, it’s important to “keep your expectations of ‘things going smoothly’ very loose,” says soprano Candice Hoyes, who has been featured at Avery Fisher Hall, Carnegie Hall, and Jazz at Lincoln Center and is a contributing writer for the Los Angeles Review of Books. Family help—from spouse or partner, parents, and other family members—makes managing a travel schedule possible. Time management is one of the most important things for an Opera Mom. “I had no idea how many hours I spent practicing, studying, and coaching until I had a baby,” says Roderer. “Now, I have to make each minute count.”
Roderer also says that child care cost and planning become a factor in accepting gigs. “I know a big chunk of the fee will be going to child care,” she says. Soprano Susan Ruggiero, whose credits include Mississippi Opera and New Orleans Opera, was working two adjunct jobs when she became pregnant with her son, Giuseppe. “Two weeks after my son was born I was offered two [additional] adjunct teaching jobs in town,” Ruggiero says. “Despite having a newborn I felt I had to take advantage of these opportunities because they were jobs in my city (a small college town). For one year I worked four adjunct jobs and did two opera gigs. I do not recommend this!”
Child care is expensive, but it is not easy to turn away opportunities. Burton went back to work singing Pamina at New York City Opera when her son, Joshua, was four months old. “I was still nursing, so this was a bit of a logistical dance, as any working/nursing mother knows,” Burton says. “The biggest factor was the fatigue. My body came back pretty fast, but my brain . . . well, I felt like La sonnambula. I eventually learned to nap daily. One big lifestyle change was that my son’s birth changed me permanently into a morning person—who went to work at night. That meant getting up 12 hours before I went to work! So learning to nap was essential, especially when your big aria comes at 10:30 p.m.”
Ruggiero observes the additional challenges of leaving your baby when you first return to work. “For the first two years my husband and I juggled our schedules and alternated taking care of our son,” she says. “We also used a lot of babysitters. This was extremely stressful, so now our son is in a full-time preschool. It is expensive, but a much better solution for us.”
In addition to managing child-oriented schedules, women also have to deal with changes in their body both during and after pregnancy. Hoyes, who had to have an emergency C-section, felt that her teacher, Heidi Grant Murphy, also an Opera Mom, was very compassionate and “was wonderful for my esteem and my vision of post-partum healing.” She also credits her studies with Steven Tharp for helping her prepare to sing her first Rosina. She sang the role when her daughter was six months old and still nursing. “I was pumping behind a curtain backstage during every break, racing back and forth sometimes during breaks to nurse her,” she says. “My mother, my mother-in-law, and my husband provided extensive care, and it was probably one of my most challenging and exciting gigs.”
Burton did a European audition tour while five months pregnant, “which seemed like a great idea when I planned it, but not so much when I had to climb 1,000 steps in the Paris Metro, or run for a train to Köln,” she says. “I sang Sophie in Werther in the first trimester, really suffering with morning sickness. That wasn’t fun. But my voice felt amazing in the middle trimester. The baby actually gives you something to ‘lean’ against. I’m sure that’s not what’s meant by appoggio, but it worked!”
Soprano Lara Troyer, who has sung with the Akron Symphony and Cleveland Opera and teaches at Kent State University, felt that her breath support was excellent while pregnant. “I sang a Messiah when I was six months pregnant, and I got a lot of positive feedback from that gig,” she says. “Seeing a pregnant woman sing about the birth of Jesus seemed to resonate with people.”
Many Opera Moms noted an increase in their support, though some did comment that morning sickness had an effect on the quality of their singing in auditions. “I had one audition that did not go very well due to the nausea, but I was offered a cover contract anyway,” Roderer says. “Before accepting the job, I did tell the company that I would be eight months pregnant during the production and they decided it wouldn’t be a good idea visually. They hired me for something else a year later.”
Some singers felt that their pregnancy had an effect on whether a company hired them, and some did not. “My husband hires for a regional opera company and two summer music festivals,” Kyle says, “and I can tell you that he comments on the appearance of the singers who audition. I asked him if he would pause before hiring a pregnant singer and his reply was, ‘As long as she sings well, it’s not an issue for me.’”
“I was very petite for the first half of my pregnancy, so I just dressed to disguise my baby bump,” Hoyes says. “Peplum dresses are very handy in the first half of pregnancy! This was my first pregnancy, and I felt I was still trying to understand the impact it was having on me, and wanted it to be a personal, private process at first. Now that I know what I know about working motherhood, I want to be as candid as possible about
my experience in order to support other women in opera who also want to be mothers.”
These Opera Moms have found ways to share their work life with their children in what they hope are meaningful ways. “When they were younger, I would show them pictures of my performances afterward and share my experiences from my trip,” Kyle says. “As they grew, they came to realize that other mommies perhaps work in an office, store, or hospital, but their mommy worked at singing on stage—loud singing with other loud singers who played dress up and in the end got paid. I secretly hope that it bought me some ‘cool points.’ Letting them know that they were my priority, sharing my singing experiences with them, and eventually bringing them to my concerts let them know this was my job and they were my family. Family is first.”
“I tried making a ‘Here’s Mama’ video once, and I gave that up after I saw how ridiculous it was,” Burton says. “My son didn’t need to sit in front of the TV to ‘see’ his mother. He needed to spend time with everyone else in his world—starting with his dad, his grandparents, [and] friends. The video thing was too confusing for him at a very young age. When he got older, we just talked on the phone or did IMs. Now we just text.
“When he was small, we always planned visits during my gigs, so that John [Musto, Burton’s husband, who is also a composer] would bring him to me during ‘production week’ when I’m usually free during the day,” she continues. “There’s a zoo and a children’s museum in pretty much every city! When our son got older and John and I started to do concerts together out of town, my mother would move in and she’d have a few days alone with her grandson, cooking everything he loved. They’re quite close to this day, and I’m sure part of it was because we were on the road a lot!”
Hoyes has observed similar closeness between her daughter and parents. “We rely on FaceTime [Apple’s video chat service] when I’m away and, philosophically, I think it’s wonderful for her to bond with her grandparents and to know that her circle is wider than her mom and dad. At the same time, when I went to Italy this summer for a month-long gig (where she and my husband joined me after two weeks apart), I created a photo book, with a page about each day we were apart. It detailed my departure, the various daily activities she would be doing with her grandparents, and concluded with our reuniting in a place called Italy. That book was a big hit with her.”
Troyer also credits family support. “My husband really supports me with my performing and teaching . . . . We are also part of a babysitting co-op, which has been very helpful.” She has not taken an engagement that takes her away from her children for more than four days. Everyone is different, and it is up to the individual singer what to take on.
Balancing singing and motherhood is not easy, but these women all agree that it is worthwhile. “One of my voice teachers, a woman I admire and respect, told me to not have children or I would never have a career,” Kyle says. “I told her I appreciated her advice, but wanted to be both a mom and a singer. My advice is if you want to have children—and there are many of us out there with successful careers and children—you should seek advice from professional singers who are balancing family and performing. You can learn much from their experiences.”
These singers are just a small selection of the many singers balancing a career and parenthood. They prove that it is not only possible, but joyful and rewarding as well.
