How do you balance work and family while pursuing or maintaining a career? Is it possible to have both?
Robert Merrill: It has to be individual. First of all, there has to be love. How much time do you want to spend with the family? Think of the children, have a feeling for it, it will happen. Fortunately, I had my career, I traveled about the country and although Marion was a musician, when the children were born she stayed home with them. Ultimately, we did travel together and do concerts but we had someone we trusted with the children and we knew that they were being loved. It takes two people to make it work.
Marion Merrill: Bob was very anxious to have a family. His career and family were equally important. Therefore, he did not have an international career, concentrating on the States and Canada, mostly at the Metropolitan Opera, taking just a little bit of time off to do a few concerts. It was a choice. He never sang at La Scala or other places. Later on, he sang at Covent Garden and was at the Teatro Colon in Buenos Aires, Argentina. As for myself, I am a pianist, and we really have to be married to the piano, practicing four to eight hours a day. So my decision was that it wasn’t that big a deal to me [to have a career]. I was very happy and I consider myself enormously lucky that I had a career vicariously without having the pressures of it, plus the luxury of having a family. The whole thing worked out very well. I did not do any performing or traveling when our children were very young. I wanted to be very involved and help them turn out to be good human beings.
RM: Then when they were old enough we took them to Europe. I remember when I sang in Venice, La Fenice, we drove around a great deal and they loved it. We did have a woman with us that took care of the kids when we were busy but most of the time they were with us and they never forgot it. My daughter just went to Venice a couple of years ago and she reminded herself of the wonderful times she had as a child. We also always tried to have the children involved with music. When they were old enough, both my son and daughter sang at the Met with the kids’ chorus. So they had a taste of what their parents were going through. And as Marion said, I sang full seasons at the Met so I spent a lot of time at home.
MM: Whenever you add children to the picture, it becomes enormously difficult. How do you juggle it? The fact that I wasn’t pursuing a career of my own made it easier, by the same token, having been there and done that, I know what the pressures are. So I was very sympathetic to Bob’s career. I went back to music when the children were getting ready for college. As toddlers, there were times when I would have liked to travel with Bob, but with the strollers, playpens and things I just couldn’t do it. He went out there, did his couple of weeks and came home. It’s not that easy!
One spouse has to take over the family while the other one is working. I can’t see how both can be really active. Sure you can get help with nannies, but then come the school years. You can’t keep uprooting them. So as they got older the summers were spent in “sleep away” camps which left him free to do his recordings. Then we would take our school breaks to do our other travels together.
RM: Sometimes I would go to the camp and do a little singing for the kids so that they know that “Poppa’s there”. Remember, before you are an artist you are a human being first. If you have it the other way around you can get into trouble. I know so many artists whose families never happened and they ended up alone.
The music world is sometimes crazy and unfair. What did you do to survive the insanity?
MM: Professionalism is so important. I wasn’t at all the rehearsals but Bob had a way of trying to work with the conductor or director so they had a meeting ground. He would quietly try to resolve things. As far as tough scheduling, traveling and the strain of it, it just wasn’t done. Since we just didn’t do it, there was never a tough period.
Was there ever a time when you were frustrated with the way that your career was going?
RM: No, not really, because I did what I wanted to do. I worked with the management of the company. I worked with the director or conductor and never argued or put my foot down. I would discuss it with him and tell him why I did or didn’t want to do something. And this is very important! Stage directors would sometimes want me to stand in a corner somewhere and sing and I knew it wouldn’t work because people wouldn’t hear me. They were only interested in what it looked like from the front – I was interested in what it sounded like. So I would chat with them and say, “You know, I have people out there that want to hear me and I know that this particular part of the opera house isn’t good for the acoustics.” They would listen because I didn’t argue. That would be the worst thing you can do. Most of the time they would try it my way and end up thinking that it looked good! I had a situation once with a costume for Trovatore; it was so heavy that I could hardly walk, let alone sing. I spoke to the man who made the costume and he insisted that it looked beautiful. At the dress rehearsal in the wings was Mr. Bing, who loved to stand there and listen to the music. I walked up to him and took the costume and put it over his head and he said, “My God, this is heavy, how do you sing with this, why do you have this?” So that was the end of it. They gave me a light costume that looked lovely in the scene. So you see, it’s how you do it, my dear!
What habits do you have to help keep you in good vocal and/or physical shape?
MM: For vocal shape, he never stopped studying. He continued to work with Margoles until Margoles was 98! Bob would periodically go in to him, even if he didn’t need it, just to make sure he hadn’t gotten into bad habits. There was also a period where he did a lot of yoga for breathing and general well being. He was also a golfer. But during career time there wasn’t the time for too many things and people were not into the kinds of health things there are today with aerobics and jogging.
RM: When I came back from the tour I went to Margoles right away. What do I sound like? Do I still sound the same after this tiring tour? He’d give me an answer and say let’s work on it. So I didn’t leave it alone. As for habits, the day of a performance I would eat very little. I would eat an early breakfast, fruit juicesomething light. Then at three o’clock I would have oatmeal and maybe a banana, something that was very light. That was my food for the day. Because when you eat too much, it’s difficult to breathe. I would eat very little after the performance, maybe a piece of fruit. But as I said before, I knew myself and what worked for me. It’s all based on how you feel. I knew artists that would eat in their dressing rooms! For exercise I would walk and play golf when I didn’t have to sing a lot that week.
If there was one piece of advice that you wish someone had given you in the very beginning of your musical life, what would it have been?
MM: I have often said that if I knew then what I know now, I’d be vigilant about what goes on in my life but not be uptight or over excited about something. It will all come out in the wash, as long as you are on the right path. Be thorough but relax and take what comes.
RM: I would probably make the same mistakes and do the same things over! I wouldn’t have changed a thing except…maybe I’d prefer being a tenor because I sing tenor arias in the shower!
Universally hailed as possessing one of the most beautiful natural baritone voices in history, Robert Merrill has surmounted every pinnacle of success available to a singer: international opera, concerts, radio, television, recordings, night clubs, honorary degrees, the music of Broadway and a record-setting 787 performances at the Met. Because of his legendary enthusiasm for baseball, Merrill has sung the national anthem live at Yankee opening games since 1969. He is married to the former Marion Machno, a concert pianist who frequently accompanies his recitals. The couple has two married children, David and Lizanne who have expanded the Merrill family with three grandchildren.
