Performance anxiety (or stage fright) is something we’re talking about a lot more lately. On one hand, I think that’s a great thing, because I believe there’s value in someone knowing that they’re not alone and that many others are up against the same thing. As vulnerability researcher Brené Brown once said, “The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: Me too.”
On the other hand, I’ve recently noticed several common misunderstandings on mental performance propagated by performance psychologists, self-help professionals, teachers, coaches, and colleagues. I know they all mean well and are looking to help their clients, students, and colleagues succeed in the best way they know how. Unfortunately, what I’ve found is that these very innocent misunderstandings tend to add more noise rather than bring clarity to the conversation.
With that in mind, I’d like to touch on some of the more widespread and deeply held beliefs about performance anxiety and stage fright and the truth (as I see it) that for over a decade has helped many of my clients thrive on the biggest stages and under the brightest lights.
Belief #1: Performances, auditions, or the people behind the table can make you nervous.
Perhaps the biggest misconception we have as human beings is that our feelings are caused by things outside of us, such as circumstances, other people, the past, the future, or performing/auditioning. As compelling as it might be, it’s not how we actually work. Instead, our feelings are always and only a result of whatever thought is passing through our minds in the moment.
Perhaps the following will help illustrate this truth. Have you ever noticed how often the same circumstance can look or feel so many different ways, depending on what mood you’re in? Take an audition, for example. Sometimes when you think about the audition, you might feel ready to walk right in and rock it. But then maybe later on, some insecurity creeps in and you start freaking out. You might even experience the whole spectrum of feeling excited, scared, overprepared, underprepared, neutral, dread, relief, gratitude, over the moon, or anything else—all about the very same audition!
How is that possible? How can you have so many different experiences of the same audition? Well, it’s pretty simple: the audition isn’t the reason for your feelings. If it were, we would all have the same universal reaction to auditioning every time. But I bet you know people who love auditions, some who hate them, or some who are neutral about them. And maybe at times you’ve even bounced back and forth yourself between loving, hating, and not caring either way about auditions.
An audition, a performance, or the people behind the table can’t ever make you nervous—only nervous thinking can. Knowing where our feelings really come from helps us see that we truly aren’t afraid of anything—we just think we are.
Belief #2: Mental techniques and strategies will help you get in the right mindset.
We’re constantly being told that we need to put just as much effort into working on our mind as we do working on our technique, acting, interpretation, etc. Performance psychologists and mental coaches preach the importance of cultivating a “winning mindset,” “getting into the zone,” or developing “mental toughness.” Self-help experts and others tell us we need to think more positively and prescribe strategies such an affirmations, mantras, meditation, and cognitive exercises to control our thoughts and change our negative thoughts into positive ones.
Here’s the issue: all mental techniques—whether it’s centering, visualization, affirmations, mindfulness, or others—require thinking. Ask any performer or athlete what their experience is like when they’re “on,” and they’ll usually say things like, “It felt like I wasn’t thinking,” “I felt like I wasn’t even doing anything/working/etc.,” or “I don’t really remember much about what happened because I was so in the moment.” In other words, we are at our best when there’s less on our mind and we’re doing less. So why do performance psychologists and self-help experts give people strategies that require more thinking and action when the goal is to think and do less?
Belief #3: You need to have a pre-performance routine.
Here’s another strategy that on the surface makes sense and sounds like a great idea. But to me, pre-performance routines have three inherent flaws. First, there will always be situations where you won’t be able to do your routine, because Life. If you depend on a routine to feel good and can’t do it for whatever reason, that could be a recipe for insecurity and anxiety. Second, as mentioned in Belief #2, it’s counterintuitive because you’re giving yourself more to think about in an effort to think less.
Lastly—and perhaps you hadn’t considered this—by creating a special routine that you do only on performance or audition days, you’ve just unconsciously raised the “stakes” yourself by turning it into something “different.” But the more you treat an audition or performance day like any other day, the more you’ll sing the way you do any other day.
Belief #4: To perform at your best, you must learn to eliminate insecurity and fear.
Every performer has had auditions and performances where despite the fact that they felt nervous, distracted, or insecure, they rose to the occasion and gave a high-quality performance. In fact, many of the greatest performances in any genre happened despite the performer admitting later they were feeling anxious. So, contrary to what we’re often taught, a positive mental state is not a prerequisite for great performance. In truth, our capacity to perform is there no matter how confident or insecure we may feel in the moment.
Doubt, insecurity, and fear are a normal part of the human experience. Trying to fight or control those feelings simply adds more noise to an already cluttered mind. But if you avoid the temptation to try and get rid of them, your mind will always clear on its own. Think about how many times you’ve felt nervous before a performance or audition and then once you got onstage and started performing, the insecurity and fear faded without you having to do anything. That’s your self-correcting mind in action.
Belief #5: Confidence can be cultivated.
Contrary to popular belief, confidence doesn’t come from how well you perform and confidence cannot be cultivated through the actions you take. Confidence is the effect of a clear mind, not the cause of it. Confidence is innate within each of us. It’s nothing we need to “get” or develop. The only reason it doesn’t look that way sometimes is because we feel our thinking and we sometimes get tricked into believing our thinking is real. But when we allow our mind to naturally self-correct and let our thinking settle, we will automatically connect to our innate confidence. And, yet, even if we can’t access it in the moment as much as we would like, as I mentioned in Belief #4, it’s OK—our capacity to excel is there no matter how we feel.
Belief #6: You must learn to control your thoughts.
This is perhaps where most people get tripped up and suffer the most, and this misunderstanding is the whole reason I feel mental strategies and techniques exist. Many popular approaches to self-help recognize that our thoughts have something to do with our experience of life, but they teach that it’s up to us to learn to manage and control them in order to think more positive and have more positive experiences.
Well, if you’ve ever tried that, that’s the most exhausting full-time job ever! The truth is that we can’t control what thoughts come into our head or when they leave, but we really don’t need to. Once we understand the true nature of thought—that it’s a formless, fluid energy that’s much more random and arbitrary than we realize—negative thoughts and feelings lose their grip over us. We see them for what they are and, as a result, we don’t give our thoughts the weight we used to.
Our true power lies not in the “doing” of trying to control or manage our thinking, but in the knowing of how thought works. The less you care about what’s on your mind, the more you’ll perform at the level you want both onstage and off.
Belief #7: Your well-being is dependent on the outcome of an audition or performance.
I’ve saved the most important for last and, in my experience, this one tends to come more often from us than from the people around us. It sure looks like our well-being is tied to what we do and how well we do it, but this is never the case. Win or lose, you are always OK. Your well-being as a human being is innate and constant and can never come from anything outside of you. Your innate well-being can’t ever be touched or hurt by anyone or anything. Thinking otherwise sends you on a wild goose chase for something you actually already have.
It’s totally OK to want to do your best and get the opportunities you’re after. It only becomes a problem when who you are becomes defined by it. The real game changer is knowing that all the wonderful things that happen in your life—both on and offstage—are like icing on the cake, but they aren’t essential ingredients you need to bake the cake. When you walk into a performance or audition knowing that you’re OK no matter what, you perform with more freedom and authenticity, which ultimately facilitates that human connection that helps your story resonate more powerfully with even more people.
Now, I wouldn’t be surprised if some (or most) of these truths are different from the way you’ve been used to looking at things. If so, I’d encourage you to consider, “What if this is how we work?” Take a look in that direction and notice what you see. And then know this: You already have everything you need. The more you rely on that, the more reliable it will be for you. Enjoy the journey!
