“You do you, I’ll do me.” Compliment or dis? I hear this in the hallways, I read it on social media, and I see it in the news. The idea of “you do you” can be a bit “whatever, just get out of my face” or it can be praise for marching to the beat of your own drum and not caring what others might think. Not caring what others think is the part that interests me as a teacher of singing.
It’s hard to think of another craft where one could worry any more than we do about what other people think about our singing. Are we pronouncing the text correctly, are we singing with emotional connection, do we sound good? Context is crucial. You must take the time to build technique, learn correct style from master teachers, and allow coaches to guide you. And, yet, the way to win over audiences and gain favor with judges seems to be to “do you.” When you sing confidently with your unique voice and by not appearing needy or desperate, your audience will be far more interested in your singing.
As Shakespeare wrote for Polonius in Hamlet:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Many of us are fond of this phrase, “To thine own self be true,” but how do we do this? Recently, I have been seeing a trend featuring celebrities blazing their way to success in untraditional ways. Operatic stars, the Grammys, the Tonys, the Oscars, and even politics have given us plenty of examples of unconventional personalities gaining favor by being uniquely themselves. This world of ours is getting smaller while personalities are getting bigger.
I’m not implying that being different is required to get attention. Positive career-building attention is doled out to unique personalities when they demonstrate great skills. So, how do you figure out your authentic self while presenting your unique artistry? Are you solid in your technical abilities? Are you confident in your choices when you portray a character? If yes, then what are your amazing traits and how can you allow them to guide your performances?
The light of your true self is deep, where ego and authenticity coexist. We grow up being defined by our gender, voice type, culture, social standing, and much more. Living authentically requires shedding circumstantial insecurities and embracing our individuality. Understanding the wants of our ego vs. the needs of our true self takes time and life experience. When you feel the pressure of your ego/opinion/knee-jerk reaction, it may be difficult to listen to your heart and remember the human being you want to be and the artistic self you strive to honor. It is an honor to be an artist. If we can be more selfless humans, then we can be more truthful artists.
College is a time for self-discovery, finding a career path that interests you, and forming relationships. Voice majors are finding their voice, which can feel a lot like finding yourself. Being true to yourself is often complicated as you are navigating your college studies amid times of personal growth and change. Dating new people that challenge your traditions might require new ways of approaching relationships.
Facing racial or sexual barriers takes courage, patience, and the experience to know when to allow yourself to be known as you are. Judith Johnson wrote on the Huffington Post blog that “‘knowing’ is a personal experience—not an absolute. What I ‘know’ to be true, I know inside myself and can provide no proof to another who does not resonate with the same truth” (www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-johnson/being-authentic_b_1070110.html).
The auditioning- and performance-based lifestyle requires flexibility in order to be a good artist and an esteemed colleague. As you come to know yourself better and find consistent ways to be true to yourself, you will undoubtedly find times where you need to take your sense of entitlement down a notch. The “know-it-all” state of mind is an indulgence for the young, and maturity grows when one learns to lean in and accept change.
While you are taking the basic courses in music theory, history, and learning massive amounts of music, you will need to complete assignments for professors and attempt to please them with your work. And here I am advising, “You do you” when a huge amount of your student life requires “You do my thing for a good grade.”
Author Jane Collingwood cautions, “It’s important not to become anxious or too self-conscious when trying to figure out your authentic self
. . . step back and try to go with the flow. This sort of pressure obscures your vision, and a more forgiving attitude may help you understand why you are feeling that way” (psychcentral.com/lib/discovering-your-authentic-self/).
The stress of working to be a good student, while simultaneously trying to “go with the flow” and letting your voice be free, might feel like balancing on a tightrope.
In her 2014 Juilliard commencement address, reigning diva Joyce DiDonato offered some brilliant advice: “[W]hat I have found is that when things become overwhelming—which they will, repeatedly—whether via unexpected, rapid success or as heart-wrenching, devastating failure—the way back to your center is simply to return to the work. Often times it will be the only thing that makes sense. And it is there where you will find solace and truth . . . . It will continually teach you how to be present, how to be alive, and how to let go. Therein lies not only your artistic freedom, but your personal freedom as well” (www.juilliard.edu/journal/1409/109th-commencement).
The topic of authenticity is an important discussion for young artists. When you commit yourself to the pursuit of a classical singing career, you are committing yourself to a high standard of artistic values. You will continue your vocal, linguistic, dramatic, and physical training for as long as you perform. So you, young students of singing, might as well know what you are getting into and begin searching for the stability you will need to find happiness on and off the stage.
Being a singer is part of our identity, but there are times to remember that singing is what we do; it does not entirely define who we are. Never apologize for being true to yourself. There are those that would take advantage of your youth and talent and ask for too much. You deserve respect and the right to exist as you choose. The friends and colleagues that “get” you will celebrate your unique qualities and will support, not justify, your work and your lifestyle.
How do “you do you?” Let’s check in with the real you.
1. Do you want to sing?
It is crucial to think positively and share your desire to sing by enjoying yourself. If you want to sing, let the world see you having fun and reveling in the art of singing the best music ever composed.
2. Do you love yourself?
There is so much to love. You are gifted with talents and thoughts and beauty inside and out. When you love you, others will too.
3. Do you have doubts about success?
Congratulations, you are a human being who sees how hard the career path can be for a singer. Doubts are normal and success has many definitions. Allow yourself time to understand your doubts and decipher their significance. Maybe you are afraid of something so minute that you’ll laugh about it later. Or maybe you need to concentrate on working through your insecurity so that you can turn that doubt into a self-esteem boost. It is empowering to overcome any limitations you put on yourself.
4. Do you trust yourself?
Trust is big. Trust is the foundation of lasting friendships, successful teacher/mentor relationships and, of course, loving relationships. Learning to trust your authentic self will allow you to trust your artistic decisions and your life decisions. It will also enable you to trust others. If trust scares you, I hope you will give yourself the gift of exploring your emotional needs and talking about them. Whether you talk with a therapist, a parent, or friend, talking about your core emotional needs is the beginning of building trust.
5. Do you need the approval of others?
The question is worded carefully: need, not want. Because, sure, we all want the approval of others and we want people to love us and love our singing. Seeking approval is a universal desire and a motivating force for singers during auditions, competitions, and performances. On the flip side of approval is rejection, and the word “need” becomes imperative. There will be many professional rejections, and if you need constant approval, it will be difficult to feel secure.
Remember, your ego and your authentic self coexist deep within you. The ego seeks approval and the authentic self has enough trust, love, and joy to let rejections go. When you work with a good teacher and develop a solid technique and correct classical style, your confidence grows and you will approve of yourself. That is how you, a classical singer and a beautiful human being, can “to thine own self be true.”
