The Object of Desire

Most people thrive on attention, especially performers. That’s part of the reason they do what they do. But when attention leads to obsession, there could be danger afoot. Stalking—the phenomenon in which one individual repeatedly follows and harasses another—is a growing problem in the United States. Approximately 13% of all stalking victims are celebrities or other public figures, a percentage that is hugely disproportionate to their numbers.

“Stalkers often target public persons because they are available to be fantasized about,” says New York Gestalt therapist Susan Gregory, who specializes in working with singers and other performers. “They tend to make up stories about what their relationship to the victim is, and they try to engage the victim in some kind of attention-giving that reinforces their fantasies.”

While this may not, on the surface, seem like such a serious offense, it can be dangerous and even fatal for the person being stalked. Notorious examples of death at the hands of a stalker are John Lennon, who was murdered by Mark David Chapman in 1980, and actress Rebecca Schaeffer, killed by Robert Bardo in 1989. (Both Chapman and Bardo later claimed to have killed to become famous themselves.)

In more recent high profile cases, singer Madonna filed charges against stalker Robert Hoskins (who was given a ten-year prison sentence under California laws that were passed following Schaeffer’s death) and actress Nicole Kidman filed a very public restraining order against Matthew Hooker for unrelenting harassment. Actors Michael J. Fox, Clint Eastwood and Jodie Foster, talk show host David Letterman, models Claudia Schiffer and Elle MacPherson, singers Barbra Streisand, Toni Braxton and Olivia Newton John, director Steven Spielberg, Princess Caroline of Monaco, tennis star Monica Seles, news anchor Dan Rather—these are just a few of the countless well-known personalities in all professions who have been on the receiving end of stalkers’ attentions.

“This is one of the aspects of being a public person that needs to be considered and dealt with by everyone who has such a profession,” says Gregory. “They can’t ignore that it’s a possibility, and must prepare to deal with it.” She adds that all stalkers should be taken seriously from the outset and that no kind of response will convince them to stop. Because most stalkers’ ‘relationships’ with their victims are based on irrational projections, fantasy and obsession, they are not amenable to logic.

While admitting that there are no clear classifications for stalkers, whose motivations and mental problems differ, the web-site www.antistalking.com identifies three general types: intimate partner stalkers, delusional stalkers and vengeful stalkers. The intimate partner stalker has had a past relationship with his victim and is unable to let go. Delusional stalkers and vengeful stalkers—the two types that commonly target public personalities—can overlap somewhat. The former has had little or no contact with his victim. The latter is angry about a perceived slight or wrong committed against him and is determined to get revenge. The delusional stalker can turn vengeful when rejected.

According to the website, the typical delusional stalker is an “unmarried and socially immature loner who is unable to establish or sustain close relationships with others”. These types often have serious mental disorders such as schizophrenia or manic-depression. Some may believe that they already have relationships with their victims, others that they are destined to be together and that the person being stalked will eventually realize this.

Different types of stalkers are motivated by different needs: one wants a grandiose relationship, another seeks to cause terror in the victim, and still others crave notoriety. “We’re not talking about one psychological process, but rather a social manifestation with several different psychological causes,” says Gregory. “Stalkers are complex, full human beings, often so harmed that they have to handle it by causing harm to others. We must allow ourselves to feel for them, but not to the extent that it obscures our attending to our own needs or the needs of society.”

Persistent unwanted attention from an obsessed stranger causes most people to react with fear or anger. But it is not a good idea to vocalize such feelings to stalkers. Nor is it wise to try to reason with them or gently persuade them to stop. “No small interaction or kindness will convince a stalker to withdraw,” says Gregory. “It’s very complicated because no one knows what the best reaction is. Persons with this disturbance fantasize obsessively and they usually cannot stop voluntarily. Only professional guidance and, in some cases, medication can ameliorate their urges.”

Experts agree that the best policy in any stalking situation is absolutely no contact. Any communication — direct or indirect — is likely to make the situation worse because stalkers, unlike normal fans or admirers, engage in unremitting fixation on the objects of their desire. The difficulty lies in knowing when someone has actually crossed that line. The End Stalking in America web site (www.esia.net) lists the following common traits of stalkers that all public personalities should be aware of:

Won’t take no for an answer

Has a mean streak and may become violent when frustrated

If ever you find yourself the target of a stalker, you should not confront your predator, nor should you ignore the situation. The best course of action is to let everyone around you know that it’s happening and create a buffer zone around yourself. Tell family, friends and colleagues. Have someone walk you to your car and establish a schedule of phone contacts so that others will know if you’re in trouble. And, most importantly, go to the police and report all incidents. Today, all 50 states in the U.S. have anti-stalking laws in place. Because the laws vary from state to state, you should obtain a copy of your state’s statute and take full advantage of the protections it provides.

Gregory also advises: “Follow your gut. If you’re uncomfortable, don’t engage even if you feel that you’re being discourteous. No one wants to appear ungracious to fans, but self-care and alertness to your safety must come first.”