You may not have suffered from this extreme of a trauma but perhaps you too have noticed that you are avoiding the very actions that would move you forward in your career. Is there some trauma related to singing in the past holding you back? Read the advice given below and apply it to your own situation.
Dear Ms. Gregory:
For about the third year in a row, I have diligently collected information about YA programs in advance—and then managed to become so busy I miss the deadlines. I was driving home from work the other day, berating myself for sabotaging my chances again, when the real problem hit me: Fear.
Now, this is not the typical fear-of-failure/fear-of-success type of issue. I’m afraid of running into one particular person at auditions, summer programs or gigs. During college, I was emotionally abused, harassed, and then raped by another singer. The police refused to pursue my case, because this singer had been a friend and he had been abusive before the attack…I still don’t understand their logic. I gave the police the names of at least five other women he had abused or stalked, and the cops didn’t check with them either…
It’s been several years since the incident. I’ve been through counseling for many of the issues—and for my own emotional health, I will not work with this singer. Even if he is in the chorus and I am offered a lead at an A-level house, I will not take the job. However, as an emerging professional, I don’t necessarily know who will be participating in young artist programs or who the personnel will be in a production. Because I don’t know how to find out if he will be in a program (and ours is a very small world), I don’t audition.
It would help me out if I knew what I can do to control my situation. Are there ways I can find out who will be in a YA program or production before I accept the contract? How can I ask for this information appropriately and actually get the information? And if I arrive for a production and he is there, how can I gracefully back out of the contract (and still have the company consider me in the future)?
I certainly can’t tell the company the real reason, but I need to have a plan. If I know what I need to do to protect myself, I would be more likely to take the chance at auditioning. Conductors and coaches have told me I should be auditioning for the top level YA programs, but fear keeps me from even filing an application! Right now, I ensure I won’t work with him because I don’t work!
I can’t imagine that I am the only singer out there with this type of problem, and I would appreciate it if you could address something along these lines in a future issue.
Thank you,
Name Withheld
Dear Singer:
You have courageously raised questions that are important for you and for many of our readers, since statistics show that 30 percent of women and 10 percent of men experience rape or some other sexual abuse during their lifetimes.
In your letter, you name some of the effects trauma can have on a person over an extended period. When the original emergency—which generates terror, rage and confusion—is over, most people continue to experience fears and develop habits of either avoidance or extreme risk-taking in their everyday lives. Few realize that these habits are related to these people’s ongoing efforts to manage feelings that remain from the original terrifying experience.
In your letter, you describe the moment when you realized the connection between your avoidance of auditions and the fears you are still living with. Finding this connection is your first big step toward undoing the bind you are in internally.
You ask about how to control the situation. I reinterpret that question as: “How can I control the feelings that may flood me if I risk meeting this person, and how can I keep myself safe?” I reframe your question because I know you realize that in the day-to-day pursuit of a career, none of us can control the factor of whom we’ll run into at any given moment.
I think it is very important now that you work with a professional who is trained and experienced in trauma renegotiation, so that you can gradually undo the hold this trauma has on you, allowing you to become free to pursue singing and relish the joy it gives you.
In the meantime, I want to suggest a book to you. This book cannot be a substitute for working with a live human being, but it may offer valuable supplemental insights and activities for you and your therapist to work with together.
This book is the best one I have found in the popular literature on trauma. It explains to the lay reader something about the brain activity that goes on during trauma and its ongoing effects on us. It guides readers to organize their resources for adequate support during renegotiation work with a professional, and provides many exercises that slowly lead the reader through the processes of trauma renegotiation. That work should never be undertaken alone!
The book—Crash Course: A Self-Healing Guide to Auto Accident Trauma and Recovery, by Diane Poole Heller—was written about the subject of automobile accidents, but it has proven very helpful in working on all kinds of trauma.
In your letter you write, “If I know what I need to do to protect myself, I would be more likely to take a chance at auditioning.” What you need is personal work with an empathic and skillful professional who can guide you to slowly discharge the withheld energy associated with your traumatic experiences. (In a future article, I will write in more detail about energy, brain functioning, and the biology of traumatic experience and recovery.)
Through trauma renegotiation, you will be able to reclaim your sense of safety and competence in dealing with unplanned-for situations, and restore zest to your pursuit of a singing career.
