“There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.” ~ Cynthia Heimel
Whenever we take a chance and enter unfamiliar territory or put ourselves into the world in a new way, we often experience fear. Very often this fear keeps us from moving ahead with our lives. The trick is, as the title of a really great book by Susan Jeffers says, “FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY”. You have to have the courage to explore the barriers that keep you from experiencing life the way you want to live it instead of stopping yourself from a new experience that would enrich your life and move you toward your goals.
Fear often gets and leaves you caught in what I call “the comfort zone.” This is where you live when you continue to make the same kinds of decisions over and over again because it makes you feel comfortable, even if you don’t like the outcome or your behavior. It’s where you feel at home. It’s a combination of our habitual thoughts and feelings, both physical and mental, your mind/body connection. It is not necessarily the most resourceful or comfortable place, but it is the most familiar and can often feel like the only way you can be, which is not the truth. When you feel uncomfortable enough, long enough, you tend to feel discouraged. So, you return to your thoughts, feelings, and actions that are more familiar, more practiced and more predictable, that feel safe, regardless of whether they’re helpful or get you to where you want to go.
Susan Jeffers says that the most debilitating fear is feeling you simply cannot handle whatever it is in the outside world. You won’t be able to control the situation or person, and you don’t trust yourself because what you do has to be perfect and often even when it is, it still doesn’t give you the outcome you want.
- I can’t handle making a mistake and looking stupid.
- I can’t handle being alone in life with no one to go home to.
- I can’t handle illness.
- I can’t handle looking like a fool.
- I can’t handle the responsibility of being successful.
- I can’t handle failure.
- I can’t handle all the business aspects of a career.
- I just can’t handle it!!
The only way you can get rid of fear of something is to go out and do it. Fear might never completely go away, but the act of confronting each fear, the “doing it action” has to come before the fear goes away. Does that sound crazy or what??
Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from the feeling of helplessness, confusion and then being angry, disgusted and disappointed with yourself because you let yet another opportunity pass you by. Everyone is afraid to some degree. That is the truth. Some more than others, but ask around and find out how they handle it.
Anger is your reminder that you are not taking responsibility for your personal growth by taking action instead of always just reacting. It’s fearful to confront a friend, colleague, old unwanted habit or loved one. Often when we contemplate taking action we have this continuing dialogue with what I call “The Brat” inside our head, our internal dialogue. It’s you trying to convince yourself to go ahead and do something about the situation, unwanted behavior or habit and “The Brat” taking the devils advocates part by telling you all the negative and untrue things that MIGHT happen so you stay scared and are not in charge any longer. Your “Brat”, that inner voice often makes you the victim. It constantly plays the “what if” game.
So what are the “payoffs” of playing this “what if” game? In staying where you are, you don’t have to face possible rejection, perceived humiliation, you don’t have to question to your competency, or talent, or performance ability, you don’t have to waste any extra energy, and most importantly you know you can handle where you are now, as uncomfortable as it may be. Those are the “payoffs”. They are not difficult to discover once you realize that they exist. It’s simply a matter of sitting down with pencil and paper or computer and mind mapping or listing them – all of them. And sometimes it helps if you ask a friend to help you come to grips with all of them, even the ones you have yet to recognize.
Remember that responsibility means figuring out what you want in life and acting on it even though you are afraid. And it also allows you to become aware of the multitude of choices you have in any given situation. As you go through each day, it is important to realize that at every moment you are choosing the way you feel, what state you are in emotionally. These are the most immediate parts of our experience and vary in intensity, length and familiarity. And we often think states are caused by events outside our control. Oh contraire, Mon ami, you create them yourself; emotion goes from outside in. So if you can change your physiology you change the emotion. If you are feeling anything but great, try putting your hands up in the air and waving them around wildly as you force a smile or even laugh the whole while. It will change your attitude immediately.
Good states for learning are curiosity, fascination, interest, excitement and flexibility. When you are bored, listless, anxious or hostile, you can’t and don’t learn anything. So always ask yourself, “What state do I want to be in to make this easy, interesting and worthwhile?” And notice what kind of reaction you have to those that jump in and aren’t afraid to make a fool of themselves? Don’t you wish you could do that as well? It’s simple, just not always easy to accomplish. It takes practice like anything else worth doing.
Wake yourself up right now and truly be in control of your life and how you do what you do. There is no right or wrong to how to start moving yourself in this new direction of dealing with your fear. Remember, you have to start trusting yourself, so create some room to let the Universe work its magic as well. Now is the time to step up to the plate and take a swing at the ball no matter how or if you hit it. It’s time to use your own powers to their fullest, get involved, take action, participate, sign up, give out compliments, smiles, and lighten up by feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
Log on to the Aria Ready Facebook page and let me hear you stories of how this worked for you. Avanti until next time. Ciao, Carol
