Happy 2017: January is conference time for many musicians and that means networking—for better or worse. If real-time networking makes your skin crawl, get 12 tips for making authentic connections with others. Use these musicians’ networking solutions to grow your community in the new year!
Truth be told, I used to hate the idea of networking. It brought to mind sleazy sales people pressing their business cards on you while pushing their products.
It took me way too long to understand that networking can actually be something completely different, and that it can connect you to a much more positive way of being in the world. It took me too many years to figure this out so I’m hoping this saves you the trouble.
Let’s reframe: legitimate networking is simply expanding your social circle and making new friends though real-time face-to-face connections. It’s about being authentic and open—and being genuinely curious about other people’s viewpoints. It also means being able to talk openly about yourself without ego interference.
True networking isn’t about ME, ME, ME. It’s about creating WE: build your community.CLICK TO TWEET
Get Over It: Get Outside Your Comfort Zone
For introverts like me, real-time networking takes stepping outside our comfort zone. Which can feel intimidating but is actually necessary for any kind of growth.
“Your comfort zone might consist of doing things that come easily, rather than challenging yourself with things you aren’t good at. For some people constant, frenetic activity is their comfort zone—they dread being still or alone, quietly meditating or reading a book. For others quiet solitude becomes their comfort zone: they dread being out among people.
What I know for sure is this: if you’re comfortable, you’re not fully alive. Everyone thinks the comfort zone is going to make life safe, but all it really does it make life small.”
— Barry Michels, psychologist and co-author of The Tools
Social Media and Fake Networking
It’s easy to fool ourselves into thinking that the hours we spend on FB, Twitter, or Instagram is real networking and will help advance our careers.
It’s 2017: time to stop fooling ourselves.
Author and marketing expert Seth Godin takes a strong stance on what social media can and can’t do for any professional:
“It’s worthless to have lots and lots of friends on Facebook because they’re not really your friends. They’re just people who didn’t want to offend you by pressing the ignore button.
And, if you’ve got 5000 people following you on twitter because you tell a dirty joke every couple hours that’s not particularly useful for your business either.
The internet is a giant cocktail party with all these people swarming and connecting as much as they can because they’re keeping score. ‘Who likes me today and who’s talking about me today?’
What matters are where are the real relationships.
Our real relationships happen through shared experience and the exchange of worthwhile ideas. These are meaningful connections with people you know and who know you. Not simply transacting a few bits of data.”
Seth goes on:
“Networking is always important when it’s real. And it’s always a useless distraction when it’s fake.
What the internet has allowed is an enormous amount of fake networking to take place. And it’s so easy to be seduced by it because there’s a dashboard and a scoreboard and ‘look how popular I am!’
And it’s nonsense.
If you’re measuring it it’s like measuring hits to your website. It doesn’t translate. What translates is, Are there people who’d I’d go out of my way for and who’d go out of their way for me? That’s what you need to keep track of. The way you get there is by going out of your way for them. And by earning that privilege of one day having that connection be worthwhile.”
Real-time networking challenges our social skills and makes most of us nervous. If you’re insecure about how to strike up conversations and how to connect with people in person, these are skills you can learn. It just takes practice. Don’t worry, the tips below can get you started.
For your next networking event here are 12 tips to make it easier to connect with others. These are adapted from my book Beyond Talent (which has a whole chapter on networking.)
How to Work a Room
Imagine you’re attending a large post-concert reception or a professional conference. Maybe like me you’ll be attending either the Chamber Music America conference or Association of Performing Arts Presenters in NYC this month (hope to see you there!). Or perhaps you might be attending the Jazz Education Network, the Classical Singer Convention, or South by Southwest. Whatever the specifics, imagine you’re faced with a room full of strangers.
You may think, “There may be some people here who would have useful information or contacts for me.” But then you may wonder, “How can I talk to strangers when my mother always told me not to?” Read on for the 12 Tips for Working a Room. Reframe your thinking and tweak your behavior.
1. Observe. Look around, are there people you know? Where is the food and drink? Are there other people who are by themselves? First get your bearings.
2. Use positive self-talk. We each make our own reality. What we tell ourselves determines what we perceive and how we feel. If you’re nervous, you may be saying to yourself: “This looks awful,” “I wore the wrong thing,” “No one looks friendly,” or “I can’t wait to get out of here.”
Replace these negative messages with positive and realistic statements. “These are people I have something in common with; they’re all musicians or music lovers,” “Other people here feel just as awkward as I do,” or “This is an opportunity to make a new contact and have an interesting conversation.” Keep your self-talk positive: you deserve it!
4. Be approachable. Be open and friendly; stand up straight, smile, and make eye contact. You need to circulate: people will not approach you if you’re sitting. To avoid the soggy handshake syndrome, hold your drink in your left hand so you can shake with a dry right.
5. Strike up conversations with people waiting in line for drinks or food or at registration. Most people welcome a bit of friendly ice-breaking conversation. You might ask if they’ve been to the event before. Or make a pleasant or wry comment about the weather, your surroundings, or about the event you’re attending. This may lead to an interesting conversation. For topics, play it safe: avoid politics, religion, and sex (until you know your conversation partner very well).
6. Use Conversation Openers. Ask open-ended questions, like “What do you think about the . . . (the performance, speech, workshop)?” as opposed to yes or no questions. Ask questions that show your interest in the other person’s perspective.
7. Approach groups of three or more. Do not interrupt a twosome—it may be a very personal conversation. On the other hand, groups of people wearing smiles and easy-going body language are good to approach. As you approach a group, stand a little off to the side, smile and try making eye contact with one person, if they smile in return, then when there’s a pause in the conversation, ask, “May I join you?” and introduce yourself. If you don’t get the eye contact at the edge of a group, just move on and try elsewhere. The only way to get good at this is by doing it.
8. Reintroduce yourself to people you’ve met before. Start with a familiar face. If you can’t remember their name, simply say, “Hi, I know we’ve met before, I’m Jane Smith, [shake their hand] and you are . . .?”
9. Get Unstuck. It happens, you find yourself talking to someone who latches on to you and you need to escape. There are tactful exit lines to use: “Sorry, I need to find . . . [the event organizer, ladies room, or the person my friend mentioned would be here] . . . it’s been so nice meeting you. Have a good evening!”
10. Watch your expectations: meeting with someone new should be simply that—a first meeting. So don’t try to sell, impress, or push your agenda. Instead, be curious and interested in what they do. Ask good questions and listen. Be realistic: at a 90 minute networking event, you might talk with 5-7 people and maybe have 1 or 2 substantive conversations. Networking is an investment in your future. It’s about cultivating relationships over time—it’s not about instant gratification.
11. What to say? If you meet someone you’d like to follow up with and have another conversation with in the weeks after the conference, tell them, Say something like:
“I’m so glad to meet you! I’d love to hear more about your work (or how you built your freelance career, or how you launched your own ensemble, or festival). Could I get your card to contact you in a week or so after the conference? I’d love to get your perspective!”
What’s the worst thing that could happen? The person is too busy, right? If they are, maybe they can suggest another contact for you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
12. Exchange business cards when you have reason to. Write yourself a note on the back of the card to remind yourself where you met and what your intended follow up action will be. Did you offer to send someone information? Did someone say it was fine to email them to arrange an appointment? Writing a note on the back of the person’s card will help you do the right follow up.
And a bonus tip. It should be obvious but probably needs to be stated anyway:
13. Follow through. If you say you’ll call or send an article or leave a message for someone, do so. Your promise and your word need to be good. It’s the mark of a professional.
Here’s to growing your network in 2017,
