“A mediocre person tells. A good person explains. A superior person demonstrates. A great person inspires others to see for themselves.”
Harvey Mackay
Start off this new school or performance season by making it a point to cultivate and maintain some new relationships that will help carry you through your entire University experience or onto a career path that keeps growing as you mature.
Often making that connection with others can become a stumbling block, which gets in the way of introducing yourself with ease and panache. I know you realize how important this connecting to others is but might feel you don’t yet have the tools and skills to make it a comfortable habit. Here are some ideas for you to consider, because you are right, building a career in any field depends a great deal on creating and maintain relationships.
First, know that relationships, whether personal or professional develop over time and are based on trust. And yes, first impressions are critical, but they don’t have to be scary. It’s always about trial and error. Be afraid and do it anyway. Jump in and introduce yourself.
How do you connect with a total stranger, make a great first impression and leave them wanting to talk to you again? There is nothing new I have to say, but I will put it out there again, with the hope that this time you will give it a go.
Define who you are: What is your purpose, passion, gifts, strengths, qualities, and accomplishments. Who are you really? Write it down. This will help give you some enthusiasm and courage when initiating a conversation.
Clarify what you want: What is your intention in getting noticed, known and connected. Why is it important to you? What do you hope to gain? To offer? (This is an important part of this equation.)
Identify who you want to connect with: Is it a particular teacher, a potential employer, someone in the music industry you are interested in knowing, or perhaps even an upper classman who is preparing for a career and could be a mentor? Choose who you want to reach and Google them as part of your research to understanding what not only what their expertise is, but what they are interested in outside of school or work. What are their hobbies, what are their favorite foods, movies, books? Knowing something about them as people helps alleviate some of the fear you might feel in approaching them because you may find that you have similar interests.
Create your own mission statement: Make sure that it is an ideal that you can make a commitment to for yourself and others and includes not only the music world, but your entire world. Find your core beliefs, find what that line in the sand is that you will not cross beyond for anything and work it from there.
Develop outstanding communication skills: If in doubt, ask questions and make them all “how” and “what” questions, never “why” questions. Why questions can seem combative and make others feel they have to defend themselves. And above all learn to really listen. That’s the biggest equation in any conversation whether onstage or off. If you forget their name, simply say so and ask again. That’s honest and others don’t mind. Then use their name often in the conversation so you don’t forget it again. Don’t ever get too personal with either your own answers or your questions for others. Enjoy yourself.
Create and define your image: People often still judge a book by its cover, so dress appropriately for the occasion. And let your inner self shine. No matter whom you are or what you do, not everyone is going to like you or agree with you. And this is not a popularity match anyway. Knowing this will help you become more confident.
Meet new people: Challenge yourself to meet at least one new person each week. It could be a classmate, a colleague, teacher or simply talking to someone in line at the grocery store. The more you engage in conversation with others, especially those you don’t know, the easier it becomes. If an opportunity shows up to attend a master class or lecture of some type, use the intermission to try your conversation skills and tools with strangers. There should be plenty to talk about if you start the conversation with topics from the event. And the conversation doesn’t have to be long or involved. Then move on to someone else.
Most people feel awkward in the beginning of learning how to get good at making conversation which leads to creating and maintaining relationships. But, just like anything else practice makes permanent, so if you don’t do anything you will get what you always got, nothing. Find your courage and go for it. I think you will do great. Remember this, others rarely remember the specifics of a conversation, but they will always remember how you made them feel. So, be present when you are creating and maintaining relationships.
I shared my thoughts, now let me know what you think. Until next time, Carol
